Relationships - When All the Wives Have Kids

2010 Military Spouse of the Year

Email:
Password:
Remember me Forgot password?

Should Facebook add a ‘dislike’ button?

When All the Wives Have Kids

Advice from a ‘single’ spouse.

by Megan Mooren

I've always known I wanted to be a mother. Most little girls play with dolls, but as I played with mine, I knew that part of my life's calling one day would be to have real ones. I planned to grow up, meet a man, have babies, and screw them up in my own, unique way. Well, I’ve met that man and, since you, the reader, are also a military spouse, I’m going to assume that you’ve met your prince charming as well. I use the words “prince” and “charming” loosely. But I’m finding that I’m not as ready for the next step as all the women around me.

If you are young and newly married, you are probably trying to find where you belong at a new military base, trying to get along with this hairy, smelly creature now in your life every day and surrounded by women with children, then please read on. I have found that more and more women I meet around base are already mothers. Some of them are either my age or just barely a couple years older with not just one, but two or three chicks already residing in the hen house.

Being in a new place and desperately yearning for some female bonding time, a part of me aches inside when these new women I’ve met have other obligations keeping them from a martini and Sex and the City marathon I would love to host. If you find yourself in this situation, here’s a tip:

Everything happens for a reason. Now is the time to bond with your spouse, not other women, and to grow that closeness that will keep your relationship solid until you are ready to put some chicks in your hen house. Try him. You may be surprised at how in touch with his feminine side he may be. My husband now actually looks forward to those Sex and the City marathons.

Operation: Love ReUnited
Pillow Talk
Those Dark Corners
Facebook Frenemies
Friends in Far-Away Places

Rate this content:

You must be logged in to post a comment. Log in | Register

User comments:

Proudwi	7/29/2009 1:07:50 PM
this is an awesome article!
courtie's-cutie06	9/17/2009 11:42:52 AM
I feel like the outsider sometimes because I always see that I'm the only one who doesn't have a child and then I sometimes get the "stares" but I know that when the time is right for us to have one then we will but I definately won't be joining the moms just because they look at me weird when I say I don't have kids yet
Tiffaney	9/17/2009 11:11:19 PM
I feel the same way. This deployment is my first one as a "wife" and now that I can attend all of the FRG meetings and activities, I often times feel left out because everyone else has kids and they more often times than other, gear most activities towards the kids.
KellyG	9/21/2009 11:29:18 AM
Great advice, but what about when your husband is in a different time zone than you? Bonding with my husband is clearly the goal, but opprotunities are few and far between right now.
Mrs.Mac	9/21/2009 3:33:32 PM
This article brightened my day!! I've been there and it was terrible at first, then well I ended up hanging out with the hubby watching Grey's Anatomy, Army Wives, and even the Golden Girls. It was so awesome being able to have someone to bond with, and who better than my husband.
joss	9/22/2009 12:52:36 PM
My husband and I are at the end of our twenties when most people who share his rank are in their early, maybe mid, twenties. We've been married for almost a decade while they are contemplating engagement. So I, at long last pregnant with my first child, have the opposite problem. Whatever is leading to a spouse being the odd one out, I agree with KellyG: this advice doesn't make much sense to me. I am lucky to have my husband around a lot right now, but even then he can not fill all voids any more than I can be a one-woman guys'-night-out.
kathy	9/23/2009 6:38:39 PM
I can totally relate to this article. My husband and I did not rush to get married and we haven't rushed to have kids either. While bonding with my husband (when he's here) is great, it really is tough to find other women the same amount of responsibility in life as yourself. My only suggestions would be try networking and the website www.meetup.com to find a group that may have people that are active and share similar interests to you, and these folks may not have children yet either! I do wish that the programs on various bases would recognize this type of population and offer/create programs for them too!
Meg	1/6/2010 7:34:09 PM
Thanks for your article. I feel much the same way as you. I'll be sure to make the most of these days when it's just the two of us.
Vi	1/10/2010 11:45:05 AM
Sounds like it's going to be my situation. My fiance and I agreed that after getting married, we should have establish our situation before thinking about kids. It would not hurt our life in any way if we decide not to have kids. I'm just in my 1st year of PhD program and he plan to be a lawyer. Kids sound like a challenge to both of us.
CGARCIA69	2/24/2010 2:26:01 PM
I'm the mom of two kids, but I have friends without kids. I enjoy putting the kids into childcare and having girl time with my childless friends. Or sometimes they enjoy going places with my kids and me. I think it's good to be flexible about your friends. Of course if your hubby is home you should spend time with him, but when he's deployed you'll be glad to have female friends from all walks...married or single, mom or not, younger or older.
MrsL2008	2/24/2010 3:00:24 PM
I have the same problem, I live on post and don't really fit in with anyone, so I am going to be making a yahoo and myspace group for military spouses without kids. Don't worry if and when you have a child you will still be more than welcome to stay in the group. So keep an eye out for it.....Keep your heads up ladies HOOAH
MrsL2008	2/24/2010 3:20:52 PM
Here is the new group that I just created on yahoo groups!!! I really look forward to meeting all of you and hope you will join!! This group is for spouses without kids to get together, chat, meet, ask and answer. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/milspouses-kids/
Michelle	2/24/2010 4:51:18 PM
This is a great article, and I believe it is important for women to spend time with their men, it is also important for women to find that girl time that they need. I am a mom with kids, and reading some of these comments ladies have made it make me wonder if they are misinterpeting the looks they received from mom's with kids when a woman without kids reveals this to them. Take me for instance. When another woman shares with me that she is not a mother yet, what goes through my head is not the question "why don't you have any," but an interal remembrance of when I was without children, and part of me still wishes I had some of the freedoms post kids as I had pre kids. Don't always assume that the looks you receive are judging when you share that information, there's never a guarantee that thoughts of judgement for not having children yet is what is running through their minds. ;o) The parenting part of life is only a season, enjoy the time you have pre kids, enjoy motherhood, and look forward your life post kids. Each is a stage in your life, and meant to be savored.
ENGRwife	2/24/2010 5:52:39 PM
That's great advice if you're fortunate to have your spouse home but what about when he/she is deployed or TDY? We just PCS'd and my husband deploys soon. We have no kids and all the other social groups I've tried to get involved with consist primarily of stay-at-home moms. I admire SAHMs but I can't help but feel out of place. So, no, I didn't find the article helpful.
Shanna	2/24/2010 8:09:33 PM
I feel the same way. It feels good that I'm not the only one out there with this problem. I have had moms actually introduce themselves as, Hi I'm so in so, do you have any children?
ArmyEngrWife	2/25/2010 9:23:32 AM
Very good article! But if my hubby is deployed then what do I do? I am brand new to all of this. My husband was just deployed for the next year and during the send off ceremonies I felt "out of place" like I was the only wife there without kids. I want to fit in but I feel like I may have nothing in common with the other wives. And I think my shyness made me appear unfriendly, and I am the complete opposite! I know there are wives out there in my situation. And I look forward to finding them :)
meesha03	2/28/2010 12:58:42 PM
It was refreshing to be reminded that I'm not the only spouse whose life does not, as of yet, revolve around children. Since we've been married (4.5yrs), I've had other spouses give me "the looks" and even a few snide comments in regards to my lack of children, and it has been a struggle to find where I fit into our military community. We're now working on our 3rd deployment, and I'm just now starting to connect with a few of the spouses. Although we don't do things that we might do if none of us had kids, we still manage to enjoy one another’s company. I think the key is to be secure in who you are (a military spouse without kids) and don’t get caught up with how you think others will perceive you. Just find a few spouses who you genuinely like and just have fun.
Mrs. Schell	7/15/2010 7:04:38 PM
I completly agree with you megan. It is the pertect time to bond with our hubbys while we dont have kids. I sometimes feel left out too because i dont have kids and some of my friends do. I always think of how it is going to be when im a mom? but i know that when the time is right i will be prepare to be so!!!! So lets just enjoy each step of the way in our lifes and always be happy in the situation we are in, no matter what... have a blessed day!!

Related Articles:

Rate this content:

User comments: