WAYGTDW-What Are You Going to Do When...
Military life throws you a surprise?
by Emily McKinley
Saying “I do” to your service member is more than a vow; it is an open invitation to a life of surprises, both good and bad. Most of us learn to take these little bombshells in stride, sometimes not even noticing the stress they incur. Other times, we are left in a bit of panic. Either way, it seems that upon reflection, many military spouses answer these inconveniences with a sigh of resignation, throwing our arms into the air and saying, “It’s the military … what are you going to do??”
After all, what are you going to do when (WAYGTDW)…
WAYGTDW your service member receives orders today for a move next week? As much as you’d like to have a breakdown about leaving your friends, packing up the house (again) and foregoing the garage sale you’ve been planning, there’s no time. Get up and get moving. Schedule TMO ASAP! Contact a local thrift shop to pick up your garage sale items and reap the tax write-off. Call ahead to the newly assigned duty station and speak with its family services center and relocation office. Ask questions about housing, schools and services available to relocating families. Request a relocation sponsor from the new command, if the option is available. A sponsor may be able to provide valuable advice with regard to housing, cost of living, job opportunities, and more. Weigh the pros and cons of paying others to help with the move. Vacating your home on such short notice does not leave time to find renters or perform a thorough cleaning. Use some of your dislocation allowance for those purposes and move on. Instead of trying to see all of your friends individually, ask everyone to meet you at the pool or a restaurant for some relaxation in the midst of chaos.
WAYGTDW disaster strikes while your service member is deployed? When a family member passes? When you are in the path of a natural disaster? Do you send a Red Cross message to your spouse? Do you break the news over e-mail? Discuss this with your service member before they deploy and ask under what circumstances they want to be notified by a Red Cross message. My husband stated in no uncertain terms that Red Cross messages should only be the method of notification if either our son or I were critically injured or killed. Otherwise, an e-mail asking him to call ASAP would suffice. Have a relay-contact planned. For example, when my family evacuated in the wake of California wildfires last year and cell service was unreliable, my parents were the relay-contact. I would relay information to them, and they, in turn, would pass information to my husband via phone or e-mail.
WAYGTDW your service member’s deployment was just extended by three months but your power of attorney (POA) expires in a week? Tell your spouse to march to Legal Aid double-time. Most FOBs (forward operating bases) are equipped with legal offices and a new POA can be drawn up quickly. Ask your spouse to pay a little extra for express shipping, with delivery confirmation, to make sure it gets in your hands immediately. If possible, have a scanned or faxed copy sent to you. Some organizations will accept these versions, even without the raised seal. Avoid this fiasco by drawing up the original POA with plenty of wiggle room to account for extensions and other unforeseen circumstances.
On a lighter note, WAYGTDW you realize that tonight’s spouse club meeting is a potluck and you only have twenty minutes to get there? First, always plan for forgetfulness, especially in the wake of stress. Sign up for an “easy” dish: dessert, salad or side item. Throw a decorative plate or bowl in the car and stop by your favorite deli or bakery on the way to the meeting. Pick up a special treat and re-package it for a homemade flair. Worst case scenario: grab a bagged salad and toss with a gourmet dressing. Carry the dish with confidence and few (if any) will suspect the grab-and-run.
Or, your service member comes home late and asks you to prepare potato salad for tomorrow’s unit PME (personal military education)?
Most of us would do it. No questions asked. But, when he reaches for the bowl in the morning and says, “This isn’t enough. I need enough to feed 100 people,” what will you do then? You enlist the help of a good friend (preferably one with a food processor) and get cooking. Trust me, you can do it. Making fifteen pounds of tater salad is a cinch with determination, every stockpot you can borrow from your neighbors and sinks full of ice water for rapid cooling. My neighbor and I recently took on the challenge and the potato salad was delivered by noon. (Remind me next time to head to the store and fork over cash!)
The life of a military spouse is full of surprises. Embrace them, and the Marine Corps spouse motto: “Semper Gumby” (“Always Flexible”). It will serve you well!