| gijane | 11/16/2007 11:28:37 AM |
Thanks for this article. After 15 years I found out why my husband felt "funny" when he was pushing the baby stroller.
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| proudtobemilitaryspouse | 12/5/2007 7:30:49 PM |
Ironically-my husband is in Seattle, WA on business and it's been during the whole big rain storm this last weekend. Now, I can relate now to why since it's now occured to me through this article that the reason my husband never accepts an umbrella is because he can't! I don't own a black umbrella- and now, I know why he says when I ask if he wants to use my umbrella- his answer is: "no thank you, honey, I'm a soldier."
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| nsouf17 | 1/12/2008 9:43:46 PM |
This is article is very good infromation, however, why is it considered "unmilitary" for my husband to push a baby stroller. What if he was picking the child up from day care on post in uniform and I was at work. I guess I just feel that the military should be more condusive to "families" and not just the "soldiers" especially since our husband's have to be away on deployments for so long, maybe the children want their daddy to push them, and or maybe I want to alwasy hold my husband's hand since we've been separated by duty, regardless if he is in uniform or not. Just a few thoughts!
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| Crescenda | 1/23/2008 11:50:20 PM |
This was a great piece of advice. My husband is just now getting into the military. I did not know spouses also had rules that we had to abide. At least I know ahead of time before I get in there.
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| dsladyvet | 1/30/2008 11:30:52 AM |
Good article. So what do you do with the stroller when both parents are military and in uniform? How about the lower ranking one (my husband) doing the pushing!
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| AFStrykerWife | 2/7/2008 6:18:33 PM |
What a great article! After 8 yrs active duty myself I never realized that this information isn't common knowledge to other spouses.
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| navyhusband | 2/20/2008 5:56:25 PM |
And what if you are the husband and the spouse do you walk on your wifes right side?
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| mrs underwood | 2/28/2008 2:46:46 PM |
I'm glad I read these rules because the entire time I thought he was just making this stuff up just to be funny! Haha.
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| Brandy | 3/3/2008 1:30:54 PM |
Well it is interesting to learn this because I'm in the service myself and to be honest only about have of these rules are enforced. But this is good to know it explains why I have gotten yelled at a time or two lol.
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| Shannon Stringfellow | 3/3/2008 8:52:09 PM |
My Husband recently re enlisted. We've only been at Fort Stewart for about two weeks. Thank you so much, I can already think of a few times I needed this information!
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| sweet8402 | 3/4/2008 11:26:28 AM |
And for those who like PDA, a soldier is not allowed to hold your hand... BUT he is allowed to escort you (lock elbows) in uniform which is propper.
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| Classicsuzieq | 3/10/2008 9:47:53 PM |
Ya no one knows my husband by his first name and i felt weird calling hime by his last soo "my husband" worked just fine for me.... and i need to keep reminding myself walk on his LEFT side. Thanks!
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| dblabotts | 3/10/2008 11:22:22 PM |
I felt some of this information was very relavent and helpful, however I know quite a few of these rules that are never followed (i.e. the smoking rule) almost everyone in my husbands unit smokes in uniform. In fact he smoke more there than at home. And how sad they can't update a few of these rules to be more family friendly (i.e. pushing the stroller) that's just ridiculous. But those are just my views, I am glad to have been clued in about the others as I've been married to him for 10 years and never had a clue. Where is our handbook?
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| Karmin | 3/15/2008 12:32:08 AM |
I was aware of a few of these, like how to reference them when speaking about them and the PDA. Thank you, sweet8402, I was not aware of the escorting option, which brightens my mood because the two of us both like the world knowing we are together (something simple like holding hands is perfect for this, too much is inappropriate whether or not your significant other is a uniformed soldier or not), and I was upset when he informed me that it was not allowed in uniform.
As for the handbook, I did get one. His recruiter's wife was a very nice, very helpful woman when he joined the army, and I have a six inch binder full of just about everything one could imagine.
The rest of the rules are helpful, things for me to remember. I grew up with a father in the Air Force, and reading through the "manual" I received, I was surprised to learn how different some things are (like receiving lines!) and the reminders are always helpful!
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| bobogold | 3/27/2008 2:13:03 AM |
Hi,
My wife (AM-1) told me a lot of stuff like this and I thought she was full of it. I guess not....
I guess the Man thing goes for woman too. ha ha
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| MRS.WOODS | 3/30/2008 6:04:46 PM |
but they smoke in their uniforms all the time on and off the ship.
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| LULU | 4/23/2008 4:01:34 PM |
Funny my DH is very "by the rules" kinda guy...almost anal about it. (Well actually anal is being kind) yet if our daughter is around he only has eyes for her.. holding her, kissing her, etc....I wonder if he is aware of the rules..think I should ask???
LOL..
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| jadedangyle | 4/30/2008 5:14:06 PM |
When "his" orders stop including the whole family, I'll stop calling them "our" orders. Not to mention that noone seems to mind when "he" says "We're Pregnant".
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| Mrs. Blankenship | 5/20/2008 9:34:22 AM |
wow! I'm about to become a military wife and I had NO idea about ANY of this! Thanks for the heads up!
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| ashleyreich | 5/25/2008 9:35:19 PM |
thanks for that its usefull
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| Armywife526 | 5/27/2008 10:28:16 PM |
Thanks for this. I am a new military wife and any tips are great!
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| Huzzah | 5/31/2008 12:09:43 PM |
There are other things. He/she cannot eat or drink while walking or cuss in uniform. I used to be in ROTC and there were a butt load of things I couldn't do. The uniform regulations are outrageous. Had to make sure very ribbon or ensignia was the proper measurement. It certinally pays to have the experience.
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| AT3SMWife | 6/4/2008 2:06:54 PM |
intresting to know. I knew that basics but not that he wasnt allowed to hold hands. we have always. I guess we will continue until he tells me other wise. But packages and eating hmm never knew that. good know this
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| txladi | 6/4/2008 10:03:05 PM |
Wow I found this very interesting as well. I have been a military spouse for almost 15 years and I didn't know some of these. I never thought of which side I was walking on when we were together, I HAVE always walked with him arms locked at the elbow in and out of uniform, it is nicer than holding hands because you get to be closer to each other, and it looks more proper. I was certainly raised to be proper. My issue with the walking on his left side thing is... I was raised that a lady always walks on the inside of her DH or boyfriend that way he is protecting her from bodily harm, ie. if you are walking around the block you would be on the inside and he would be by the curb. Does that mean when he is in uniform we can only walk one way??? LOL J/K. My DH alwaysinsists on pushing the grocery cart or before stroller. He is a by the book person so I am not sure he knows that rule, he will not walk and talk on the cell, I thought that was silly, this explains it. Now when it comes to chewing gum, I have a couple of comments, gum gives people better breath ( and some really need it) then there is my mean comment... can guys walk and chew gum at the same time anyway? J/K. That is something I would say to DH though. I am usually very respectful of all of his rules. So thank you for this list, I will make some things known to him, but I wont let him walk without me when he is leaving in less than a week. I guess the military can consider it one really LOOONNGGG goodbye!
Blessings
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| chappyswife | 6/4/2008 11:03:37 PM |
As a new to the" military family" wife I had no idea of these military standards.No one I have ever been around has shared these things. I had an embarrassing moment the first time I met my husbands Col LT. My husband recieved his commission, was sworn in, and then a group of us went to lunch. I had no idea that you were supposed to wait until the highest ranked officer started to eat. Luckily there was another female officer who apparently did not know this either. It was not made to be a big deal but I still feel really stupid about it. At that time I also was unaware of the whole ranking system and did not realize how important his Lt Col was to his battallion!!!! Thankfully he is a very nice man. I also walked away and told myself that I had to find some info to read to avoid this type of situation again. I googled military ettiquette and several books appeared. I purchased "The Army Wife Handbook" It has all these do's and dont's and a whole lot more. It is definitly worth the money!!!Now I am more prepared for the next time.
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| DISTANCEandTIME | 6/11/2008 12:27:35 AM |
lol...omg, these rules are just ridiculous!
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| Ava Jynah | 6/24/2008 5:19:08 PM |
jadedangyle 4/30/2008 5:14:06 PM
"When "his" orders stop including the whole family, I'll stop calling them "our" orders. Not to mention that noone seems to mind when "he" says "We're Pregnant".
I cannot even tell you hoe much you made me laugh at this. Thanks so much!!!
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| Goldenbird | 6/27/2008 11:51:30 PM |
Great information! Thanks a million!
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| Goldenbird | 6/27/2008 11:51:38 PM |
Great information! Thanks a million!
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| Nicole | 7/9/2008 11:07:25 AM |
I will have to agree with most of these comments.. I am a spouse of a retired soldier who's rank I will leave out. The whole time he was in we never showed affection while he was in uniform except at out military wedding and the time he deployed on a secret mission (being called back early form our honeymoon). He has always walked on the outside as a form of respect he was raised with. He did chew gum but was able to have some manners while doing so. He never smoked but his superiors and subordinates did as well as chewing tobaco. As for eating before the senior officer sits down, go manners are to wait to begin eating until everyone has seated or until the head of the table begins. AS for pushing the baby stoller, my husband retired before our first one was born so I cannot comment on that. the comment about the orders, well if anyone looks at the orders it states on there who is included on the orders (depenents) and well I always referred to them as his orders but WE were stationed at where ever. I believe that a few of these rules were not mentioned like: Only the active duty member not spouse's can park in the spots makred for specific ranks (CSM, General Officer, Post Commander and the like). Another is men/women in uniform are not to be comsumming alcohol before 1700 or after 1830, so don't plan on meeting your spouse for dinner in uniform and expect he/she to have a coktail. The rule about not letting him put his hands in his pockets? Well if he is a good solder/sirmen/sailer he would know not to do that and it is not the spouse who controls that. I never called his commaders (Gen, LtCol or others) by there ranks, I was not in the military he was, I trouduced myself and asked his/her first name, which is proper if you read in the handbook. Ladies/Gentlemen the military has come along way and some of the rules they abide by are simply proper ettiquete and should be followed by all, however there are some outdated and rediculous expectations for the spouses as well.
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| jensal | 7/20/2008 1:15:46 PM |
If you think I am about to carry all the packages and push the baby stroller just so some guy can get a salute you have lost your mind.
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| lcqsmommy | 8/12/2008 3:35:10 PM |
I found this very interesting and informative. Most of them I was already aware of, even if we don't always follow them. The only one I was not aware of was the baby stroller one, and I find that crazy! There are many active duty members who routinely pick up their children from the CDC directly after leaving work. Not to mention the many families who have more than one small child! I know that my husband has definiely pushed the stroller a time or two in uniform after dr. appointments and such.
I am guilty of calling his orders "our orders." I do this all the time.. I figure unless he's planning on going by himself they are OUR orders! LOL But I do understand the point.
Thanks for the info!
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| Bootyjig5 | 8/21/2008 10:56:48 AM |
I've been a military wife for many years and even tho I knew most of the tips, I never knew the umbrella one. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!!!!
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| mathiswife | 8/29/2008 1:57:47 AM |
Thanks SO much for these! I am a new army wife and I'm glad I got a heads up.
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| Claudia | 8/31/2008 10:38:33 PM |
"Push the baby carriage or stroller so your spouse doesn’t have to. It’s considered “unmilitary” to do so while in uniform."
Nope, can't agree with this one at all. What if the hubby picks up his kid from the daycare or both parents are active-duty ...
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| Claudia | 8/31/2008 10:40:03 PM |
"Refer to your husband’s orders as “our orders” unless you are a service member yourself."
Hmm well they are OUR orders, 'cause I am moving too, bite me ;)
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| missbee416 | 9/5/2008 12:08:34 PM |
In my mind a lot of these seem old-fashioned. Not push a baby stroller because it is "unmilitary" give me a break! I understand being respectful, but my slightly feminist mind read that and was like, "seriously?!"
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| luvjar97 | 9/5/2008 7:18:08 PM |
Do we have information on where this is documented so I can show some spouses who think I am crazy?? Great info by the way! :)
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| uncensored | 9/11/2008 11:16:55 AM |
I'm wondering if all these people are crazy. I think these "rules" are complete bull. My husband can go ahead and be as polite as he wants to in uniform, that will not stop me from grabbing his hand or making him push the baby stroller, and if it's pouring rain and all I have is a neon blue umbrella, he's going to take it. Sorry, this was probably terribly offensive to a lot of people, but I'm sure there are others who feel the way I do.
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| HaileysMomma22 | 9/18/2008 3:23:10 PM |
I went to visit my BF... we obviously had to walk around a little bit while he was still in uniform... He thought it was funny cause I have NEVER heard of ANY of the rules and I would walk on his left side with my hand at his elbow. Its always been more comfortable like that for me. But I saw LOTS of guys in uniform talking on their cells. Im glad I found this though... Ill have to buy an all black umbrella now. Thank you!
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| Wilson | 9/24/2008 11:44:12 AM |
I now understand why my husband says he can't do certain things,but I have seen my husband (he is ARNG) and several others smoke and chew gum in uniform. He also told me he couldn't call me one day because he wasn't able to stand still while on the phone, he had to walk to several places and I thought that was made up. haha! now I know!
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| Wilson | 9/24/2008 11:44:17 AM |
I now understand why my husband says he can't do certain things,but I have seen my husband (he is ARNG) and several others smoke and chew gum in uniform. He also told me he couldn't call me one day because he wasn't able to stand still while on the phone, he had to walk to several places and I thought that was made up. haha! now I know!
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| Laws04 | 10/2/2008 8:55:44 PM |
As a former service member dI do have to say that it is okay to smoke in uniform but just not doing so while walking. Everyone does it and no one cares
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| tcshy_mommy | 10/13/2008 5:58:04 PM |
I just cant believe spouses actually do this stupid s***. My husband is in the Army and I be damned if Im gonna do this I didnt sign the papers he did not me and after everything weve been through because of the military i will tell anyone F*** you.We have been apart since April of '07 and hes deployed to Iraq now and has another year there so a total of 30 months we c each other about 3 weeks every 6 months how is that right???? its not... I hate the military and Ive never even seen a base except for his Basic Graduation...I HATE THE F***** MILITARY AND i DONT UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE WHO REALLY FEELS THEY WILL KILL THEIRSELF STAYS IN F***** IRAQ!!!!!!!...
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| debnsethforever | 10/18/2008 1:50:28 AM |
It makes me cringe when I see spouses holding hands while one is in uniform, my husband told me early on that it was a no no. However, I don't hold it against them for doing it because not everyone knows about this, good article.
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| MichaelsWifey | 10/24/2008 7:08:05 PM |
When I went to my husbands graduation at Fort Sill, I was scared. I didn't know how to act, what to say, anything. But I think it was around 10 minutes before we got to the ceremony when I received a text message from my husband. It said "Don't run up to me and kiss me when you see me.. just wait until I get to you." I was so hurt. I didn't understand. Especially after the ceremonies other wives and girlfriends did what my husband told me not to do. When he told me later that day it was unmilitary to show PDA, I laughed. But still hurt. Thanks to this article, I now know that he was telling the truth. I feel a little better now knowing what I can and can't do.
Oh and thank goodness all I buy is black umberllias I didn't even know that.
:)
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| Mrs. Cooper | 11/2/2008 12:59:06 PM |
My fiance' is a single parent of 2 and raised his kids since they were babies, I have to diagree with the stroller thing...and I have to say that I really hate the no holding hands thing...I am totally new to the military thing and I don't know one thing about it...He is in the Air Force and is deployed to Iraq...He found out about this website and thought it would be good for me...I think military spouses go through a lot and I don't feel we should have any don'ts...however, I do believe in respect and courtesy...thanks for the article, it helps...
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| sammiecb | 11/4/2008 8:04:40 PM |
haha, a couple of them are pretty funny, but its good to know! thanks! :)
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| Mrs.TaylorMade | 11/5/2008 11:18:54 AM |
Wow do you know how many soldiers i see smoking while in uniform?? I think this is one of those rules that is there but its not inforced
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| Mrs. Detwiler | 12/3/2008 6:25:29 PM |
lol this is good to know. I thought my husband was just being cold when he wouldn't let me hold his hand on post. I started to and he was like "can't do that-" and jerked his hand away. I was like. . .OUCH! haha But he explained it to me later so it was all good. lol A lot of this protocol makes sense, however.
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| Mrs. Detwiler | 12/3/2008 6:31:11 PM |
I must admit though, I LOVE holding my husband's hand when we walk. I think this rule should apply to unmarried soldiers. Wives should be able to hold their husband's hand. AT LEAST- not necesarily make out but the hand holding thing is a hard one for me.
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| mrs r o | 12/30/2008 3:07:51 PM |
While in uniform you do not hold hands with your military spouse!!!
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| mrs r o | 12/30/2008 3:14:51 PM |
Enlisted spouses need to read the military code of conduct.
Officer spouses need to review the Service ediquite book!
Both of these books can help you to support your spouse.There are also books sold at the nex/post exchange that deals with the do's and don'ts.
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| msgirl | 1/8/2009 8:55:54 PM |
I am so glad I read this. My husband and I just recently got married and i did not know any of this and I actually have a ceremony to go to this weekend with him and I would have not have known this if it wasnt for this article. Thank you so much
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| Annalisa | 2/4/2009 9:52:31 AM |
I agree that this information is useful. However, after reading "Don't refer to your husband’s orders as “our orders” unless you are a service member yourself," I was struck with lots of emotions. My husband and I were separated from each other for the first year and half of our marriage due to deployments. I stayed in the DFW area so that I could keep my teaching job, but once he returned, I had to quit my job in the middle of the year, so that I could PCS WITH him to England. Two years later, I still have not found a teaching job, and he has deployed and gone on several TDYs during this time. I have refrained from having kids, even though I'm over the age of 30, because single parenting doesn't appeal to me. When "his orders" affect the entire families' way of life, then everyone in the family has certainly earned the right to call them "our orders". It's not right that family members are made to feel like the active duty member's baggage.
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| Kate | 2/4/2009 10:58:48 PM |
Before my husband retired from the AF, we attended hundreds of ceremonies together. I would take his left arm, and we would walk in together. That is fine. I was often escorted into functions by other AD troops in exactly that way.
Its sad that the younger spouses don't get this information more easily. When we joined (yes, the spouse joins too) there was always a commander's wife to point you in the right direction and tell you the basics. I used to try to do that with new spouses as they came to my husband's units.
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| miriam*smilitary*family | 2/24/2009 12:22:48 AM |
Quick question...Is it ok for my husband to walk with my arm around his? I've seen it in old TMC "war" movies and I'm wondering if that's allowed. =)
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| 3/18/2009 11:59:35 PM |
I knew about all of these except the standing to the left thing and the stroller thing. My husband is always carrying or pushing our daughter. And the smoking thing.. Well lets just say I live on Fort Lewis and I dont think they enforce that here. I see soldiers in uniform smoking all the time. But this article could be very helpfull to newbies for sure. My husband told me all this stuff before I went to his Basic Graduation Ceremony.
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| EKFowkes | 4/10/2009 4:16:26 PM |
thank you for this! i once kissed my hubs and he said NO NO!! i was so embarrassed but now i know its a no no for sure!!
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| Liz | 4/29/2009 1:25:11 PM |
What about atire for the wife? When going to different functions, I was surprised by how loose women were dressed. My soldier will not allow me to dress like that. He says the military is conservative and when we are at functions or I am representing him I need to dress modestly. No tight clothing or low cut shirts.If that is the case why do so many women dress so loosely. Go into the PX and you can see what I am talking about.
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| 5/17/2009 2:55:32 PM |
i dont see the point of tellin the wives that they cant call the orders our orders because if u look at it the wives have it just as hard as the soldiers we have to let them go n pray to god that they r goin to come back to us i mean i might just be actin selfish but i am new to the military life me n my husband have been married for a year n its our first deployment i cant help but think about the way the army says its all about family when cleary its not its just about them puttin there a** on the line n never gettin thanked for it n wat about the wives yeah we dnt get out there n fight but we have to sit at home every night n wounder am i goin to get a phone call today is it goin to be good or bad why do the wives get punished n told u cant show affection to the love of ur life i think its really stupid. but thats just my opinion.
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| mmspouse | 6/10/2009 10:18:13 AM |
Are there no women in the military you always refer to "him" this leaves out female soldiers and there spouses somebody needs to get on the ball
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| ladyhawk35 | 6/10/2009 12:33:02 PM |
I don't know why but I'm a bit surprised by some of the spouses reaction to this article. No matter how silly or dumb I may think some of the rules my husband must follow are, I respect and love HIM enough to accept those rules and follow them if for no other reason than to respect what is important to him. The military is important to my huband, therefore I feel these rules are important to him too. I agree some of the rules are outdated but show me where is society there aren't outdated rules. I look at this more as traditions that I may not always agree with, but it's part of the culture that I accepted when I agreed with my husband joining the military. My husband is and enlisted soldier not an officer but don't feel that it really matters. The only differences in military spouses is that officers spouses will have to know more about all the rules because they are exposed to more military functions than most enlisted spouses are. Doesn't mean that I shouldn't still know the rules. As for male spouses, you all have the unique challenge of figuring out how the rules apply to you. "The Army Wifes Handbook" made me laugh the first time I saw it, making me question why I needed a book to tell me how to be a wife. Then I looked at it a bit more and realized that is was a great book to help me understand the rules as they applied to me.
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| newbie | 7/4/2009 7:12:27 PM |
thank you so much for the info. i will be a navy wife soon and these rules will come in handy. i would hate to make my husband look bad.
thank you again.
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| brit-n-robbie | 7/9/2009 10:16:51 PM |
wow...looks like i have a LOT more to learn that i thought i did...
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| MarineWife623 | 7/12/2009 10:36:06 PM |
Wow, I'm so glad I read this, I knew some of these rules but not all! My husband is in the Marines and they are very strict with their uniform rules...I NEVER see a Marine in his unit smoking/holding hands/on a cell or any of that!
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| soldiertospouse | 7/30/2009 9:33:49 AM |
For the most part I am aware of some of the 'do's and don'ts". However we should try to use the term "spouse" as oppose to "husband". There are many females in the Armed Forces and this information is good and true to the husband that is a civilian. I will continue to read these articles as they are VERY informative and I actually fell across the website in reading FRG newsletters. So thank you for having this wonderful site as I transition from being a soldier to being a military spouse. It seems quite overwhelming at times, as a PCS movement was seemingless, but now that I am a civilian, the whole finding employment, daughter just starting kindergarten, wow..a lot. These articles are very much "on time" and I will continue to read as I am not the only "overwhelmed" spouse in the world. Thanks.
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| LISA0908 | 8/1/2009 9:23:59 PM |
Ok, I understand that when you become a military wife you have to live up to some kind of exspectations. LOL, but are you kidding me with some of these rules. First of all my husband and I have nothing but respect for each other, but if that man thinks I am going to hold the umbrella for him when he is twice my size, he had better check himself one more time. And what is with this non holding hands crap??? Some of these rules kind of make the spouse feel like she is way below her husband and not exual to him like it should be. oh, don't even get me started with this whole stroller thing.... Is it unmilitary for them to tell there children that they love them also??? Give me a dam break on some of these rules. We "spouses" are human being also, so don't ever forget that to whoever came up with these rediculious rules!
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| ~*~Mac$Girl~*~ | 8/4/2009 7:14:38 PM |
WOW!!! This is good information. I was in the Army and now I'm on the other side. I didnt know about all the "rules" that spouses need to follow.
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| Traugs | 8/10/2009 10:29:10 AM |
Okay, I've been a brat, a service member and now a spouse. Yes, there are a lot of rules but other than the umbrella thing I would say these are all "guidelines" rather than hard and fast rules. Like the author stated they allow the servicemember to project professionalism. Since being a military spouse is our job (at least one of them), it helps us project professionalism too. But I've never seen anyone get in trouble for pushing their baby stroller. As for the umbrella thing... I don't know about the other branches but soldiers are not allowed to carry umbrellas of any color in uniform UNLESS they are female and in A's or B's (or dress uniform). I'm not 100% on that but pretty darn sure. BTW, I've always gotten a peck on the cheek when from my husband when parting ways, except when we were both in uniform. Again, guidelines for professionalism. :)
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| Amanda Chesser | 8/13/2009 8:43:17 AM |
more people should make themselves aware of these rules. ive been a navy brat my whole life, and am now a navy wife, so these rules have been a big part of my life. and it really angers me when people disrespect their uniform. just the other day i was at the mall and saw a couple, obviously just got back from bootcamp, making out while eating lunch, he TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF while they were sitting together! and when she wasnt wearing his cover, he was wearing it, INDOORS! needless to say, i did walk up to them and let them know how disrespectful and ignorant they were.
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| joss | 9/9/2009 10:52:47 AM |
This has to be the most comments I've ever seen on a milspouse article. Thank you, sweet8402, for pointing out the locking elbows option; they ought to add it to the list.
************************************
Please, generally speaking, don't take the list as license to become hall monitors. In a commissary in Florida in July that had no posted dress code, one wife bawled out another in line for wearing flip flops. And even if they had posted a dress code, that's no reason to make someone cry. Please be kind to each other first and foremost and give each other the benefit of the doubt. A perceived breach in etiquette is not best handled by making an even bigger spectacle.
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| IC | 9/24/2009 11:55:00 AM |
I am amazed that this article has been out for almost 2 years, and yet the author has even trying to amended. The umbrella "do" it's still a "don't" for Army soldier in the ACUs/BDUs. That is why the Army issues them wet weather gear, and there are also some authorized parkas Soldiers can wear when raining. Umbrellas are authorized for the "suit" uniforms (AR 670-1) and yes it has to be black. I am not sure why it’s considered “unmilitary” to push the baby stroller when in uniform or carrying packets for him/her so he/she can salute. It's cleared that if he/she can't do a hand salute because his/her hands are full, the other Soldier should understand. A spoken greeting should be given in returned.
One DON'T that I think it should be mentioned is that spouses shouldn't wear their spouse's PTs. That is so no cool.
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| New Wife & 1st Deployment | 9/28/2009 12:39:58 PM |
I'm only 19 right now my fiancee is in Iraq and we are planning our wedding for December when he comes home...I have tried every internet site available to find out the proper etiquette on a military wedding but I am stumped do you have any suggestions?
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| Kerrinegron | 10/21/2009 9:26:10 PM |
I have been a navy wife for almost 7 years now, and honestly I DO NOT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THESE RULES!!! I am reading comments on this page, about reading handbooks, seriously WTF,I have better things to do with my time, then read a handbook about some rule that says I can't hold my husbands hand, and that I have to walk on the left side of him, so he can salute some egotistical officer? What's next, are we going to start saluting officers wives too? I don't think so! It's bad enough I got to live around their snobby a**es! I hate the military and all of it's a** kissing political b*llshit, I have more important thing to be concerning myself with.
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| Kaynr | 11/1/2009 11:08:54 PM |
This is crap. He is my husband. I will do what i want. Its already bad enough they tell me when i can see him and for how long. He cant push his baby in a stroller?.. ha If she still uses it by the time he gets back. They already took his time away. I will walk on which ever side i want because i am more important to him than some asshole who needs saluted. i bet they would be mad if he didnt salute. im not mad he missed our anniversary or cant kiss me every morning so they can get over it to!
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| joss | 11/12/2009 11:16:14 PM |
Reading this again, it needs to be rewritten so it doesn't sound so grating. If all you want to tell me is that servicemembers can only carry black umbrellas, then just say that. You don't need to instruct us to "offer" them umbrellas like we're they're valets. Most of the other rules don't need to be directed at the spouses either; rather than tell me not to offer him gum, just let me know they're not allowed to chew gum. I think phrasing these rules as a bunch of "don't" or servile "do's" directed at the spouses has turned most readers off, judging from the comments. And it seems like a lot of the 'rules' can be summed up in "they have to keep their right hands free to salute" (hence, we walk on their left, they can't walk while eating/drinking/talking on the phone, keep their hands in their pockets, etc). I love being married in the military, but this makes it sound like absolute hell.
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| NikkoKitty | 11/17/2009 3:23:37 AM |
Who stole this list/article? Either Whitney needs to fight for her writing, or she needs to admit to wrongdoing and intellectual property theft.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4512792_be-military-spouse-etiquette-rules.html
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| amanda chuplis | 11/23/2009 11:32:56 PM |
all i am goinmg to say is wow. very schovenistic. my husband is very affectionate with me, he grabs my hand and i know when we have a child he will also want to push the stroller! wow you can tell a man whose lonely made these rules lol
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| mommyx2 | 12/1/2009 5:02:59 PM |
This is great, but I have been breaking all the rules...wish I would have seen this sooner, emailing this to my friends =)
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| jo | 12/5/2009 1:04:01 AM |
These rules are for CRAZY people. We don't live in a 3rd world country for a reason people. I mean he can push the freakin stroller as easily as I can. I will show affection anytime I want and as my husband Expect him to do the same. Furthermore if he doesn't talk to me on the phone in uniform going to & from when the crap would I talk to him. The homefront that supports him while he is deployed should not only have him showing affection, pushing a stroller, carring a kid or diaper bag even at the expense of not saluting but do it with PRIDE. One day he will retire from the military but he will ALWAYS be a husband & daddy FIRST & FOREVER!
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| Enlisted Officer | 12/7/2009 6:15:18 PM |
Kerrinegron - -
Shame on you and your lousy attitude! As the wife of a now-retired military member, as a former enlisted member myself, and now as a current officer, I can honestly say that your husband does not salute officers because they are egotistical! When I was enlisted, I saluted officers for 2 reasons; 1) because it’s the rules and 2) out of respect. Now that I am an officer, not only do I receive salutes, but I also RETURN those salutes for 2 reasons; 1) because it’s the rules and 2) out of respect. You think your husband has it soooo bad because he has to salute 1 out of every 20 people he walks past? Give me a break! Officers have to salute EVERYONE, both higher ranking than them and lower ranking than them - and most of the time, knowing full well that many of their attitudes are just as ugly as yours.
I think you have a problem with officers for 2 reasons; 1) they are educated and have some class and 2) because they are articulate and do not have to use acronyms and asterisks in order to imply expletives on a family-oriented website. Since you have clearly displayed in your post that you have none of these qualities, I think your rage towards officers is merely out of jealousy and not actually out of anything that an officer or his/her wife has ever done to deserve your wrath.
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| AFWive | 12/17/2009 5:28:23 AM |
I'm really shocked at some of the comments on the handholding (PDA) rule. Ladies, you may not care about how it looks, but i guarantee your husband does. I don't know about other branches, but the Air Force has three core values - "Integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do". Integrity means doing whats right, which means obeying the rules. Service before self means that the Air Force doesn't give a flip if you WANT to hold hands, it says you can't when he's in uniform and so you cant.
Most of us knew what type of a lifestyle we were getting when we became military spouses. To be a military wife means to support our husbands in their military careers. Why on earth would you totally disregard a rule that you know will get your husband reprimanded? For Kerrinegron, the young lady who commented that she doesn't give a cr*p about rules and finds her husband having to salute higher ups degrading. I'm sorry that wives like you exist in my military. We should be proud that men and women VOLUNTEER to be members of the armed services and as civilians (because yes, even as wives we are civilians) we owe them respect, regardless of rank. Walk a day in their shoes and see how you feel. Being married to a member of the military doesn't give you any understanding as to what those men and woman go through daily. While we sit at home, they're on the front lines protecting your rights to say how much you hate military life. If you enjoy your right to speak freely, thank a soldier.
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| Sonja | 12/19/2009 12:34:47 PM |
This is a good list. However, I disagree with the comment about referring to service members as "Sir" or "Ma'am" When I speak to my spouse's superiors and their spouses, I always use "Sir" and "Ma'am." My father was also in the Air Force and my mother did the same. Using "Sir" and "Ma'am" shows common courtesy. In fact, I use "Sir" and "Ma'am" even for those not in the military. More people should try it.
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| Marinesprincess | 1/5/2010 11:24:54 AM |
Ok so let me say that I am completely dumfounded by many of your responses to this article! As a marine brat and now a marine wife as much as we may not like these rules and as ridiculous as they may be they are rules that are still followed! You and your enlisted service member agreed to your servicemember joining the military or you married that person after they had joined either way this is the life you have chosen to live! Yes we are human beings and deserve to be treated as such but when our men and women are in uniform we are not individuals we are the servicemembers wife or husband and we are representing them! Ladies I know many feel as if these rules are quite sexist and maybe even putting women down but understand that the military is an extremely old entity following many of the same basic principles that it was created on! You are not living in the civilian world where you are equal to your spouse! It drives me nuts especially when I see people holding hands or showing PDA in uniform! it's disrepectful! Hold your service members elbow and always walk on their left! and yes ladies that is proper etiquette bc if you think about it if you are walking down the street you walk against traffic and if you are on the left side you are not on the curb!
When you marry someone you are no longer an individual you are a couple, just as when your servicemember joined the military you are no longer an individual you are the spouse of your service member and as that spouse you should do all that you can to support that person in anyway you can! just as your spouse should for you! being a military spouse is not an easy job! In fact it is quite more demanding than anyone who isn't could ever imagine! sorry if i offended anyone but I'm not much for sugar coating the truth
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| 1/5/2010 11:31:42 PM |
I look at it like this, when my husband is in uniform, then he is my soldier. When he is in civilians, then he is my husband. I have always respected him and the etiquettes when he is in uniform. I really don't even spend a lot of time with my husband while he is in uniform anyways, as soon as he comes home he changes clothes and then we do what we planned. I also personally think it's tasteless and disrespectful when I see a soldier showing PDA in uniform.
The whole "sir and ma'am" thing, I'm probably not going to change that since I refer to everyone as sir or ma'am, civilians or in the military. (Unless they personally ask that I refer to them by name.) That's just being respectful.
As for some of the ladies on here, the only word I have to say is WOW! I know that being a military spouse is tough, no one said it would be easy, but please calm down and have some respect for yourselves. When you come on here cussing and making mean comments, it doesn't make people respect you or your opinions. Actually, it does the complete opposite. Your spouse chose to join the military, simple as that. They have to abide by the rules even if you decide you want to be a brat and throw a hissy fit. I honestly can't see how some of you disrespect the military so bad when I have nothing but respect for my husband and the things that he does.
Bottom line, yea sometimes being a military spouse sucks. It can get lonely and crazy. Try to take the bad with the good. The military isn't all bad, it actually has a lot of things for the spouses if you take the time to look for them! (Heck, I am getting half off my college tuition JUST because I am a military spouse and I'm not even using my husbands G.I. Bill.) Not to mention the fact that being in the military is a guaranteed paycheck, roof over your head AND health care. Also, I take my husbands deployments as a chance for us to strengthen our marriage and the bond between us. We as spouses are doing something that most civilians can't do. When my husband returns home, my pride swells and we now have the opportunity to look back and say "yea, we went through that and survived it!". I don't know about ya'll, but my civilian friends think that it's just amazing how we can go through a deployment. Most of them say that they "could never do it". If you look at the military with the right attitude, it can instill the same values in you as it did your spouse, and there is certainly nothing wrong with learning how to respect and be respected.
I wish happiness and luck to all of the military spouses!! =o)
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| Stephanie Bailey | 1/8/2010 1:20:59 PM |
HAHAHA, During parade season my Marine was escorting me to the parade deck in DC. I walked on his right side or close beside him on the right side, i was a new wife, and he went to salute and pretty much elbowed me in the face. I'm so glad they didn't notice. to what i say. i felt to terrible as did he. From now on i walk on his left side!!! they should give you a run book when you marry a marine!!!!-SB
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| BigSarge | 1/11/2010 1:21:01 PM |
While some of these may be useful, Please do not confuse rules/regulations with opinions and/or suggestions.
"keep in mind that maintenance of these rules allows service members to project professionalism"
I would like to see the regulation that states the "rule" making pushing YOUR CHILD in a stroller "unmilitary".
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| Hippie | 1/19/2010 11:51:39 PM |
haha, so I guess next you are going to tell me that my husband can't hug his kids or kiss them in uniform? I am a loving person and show my husband love. I even hug his First Sargent and C.O. - *gasp* they hugged me at a ball one time! And no one was uncomfortable. I know certain situations (like walking through the procession line being introduced) you have to be polite and courteous, but they understand that I am not married to the military...I am married to my man. HAHA, and I am also a hippie with dreadlocks so I guess I break the "typical" military wife stereotypes.
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| Hippie | 1/19/2010 11:51:43 PM |
haha, so I guess next you are going to tell me that my husband can't hug his kids or kiss them in uniform? I am a loving person and show my husband love. I even hug his First Sargent and C.O. - *gasp* they hugged me at a ball one time! And no one was uncomfortable. I know certain situations (like walking through the procession line being introduced) you have to be polite and courteous, but they understand that I am not married to the military...I am married to my man. HAHA, and I am also a hippie with dreadlocks so I guess I break the "typical" military wife stereotypes.
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| Hippie | 1/19/2010 11:51:48 PM |
haha, so I guess next you are going to tell me that my husband can't hug his kids or kiss them in uniform? I am a loving person and show my husband love. I even hug his First Sargent and C.O. - *gasp* they hugged me at a ball one time! And no one was uncomfortable. I know certain situations (like walking through the procession line being introduced) you have to be polite and courteous, but they understand that I am not married to the military...I am married to my man. HAHA, and I am also a hippie with dreadlocks so I guess I break the "typical" military wife stereotypes.
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| Aundria | 1/28/2010 1:33:42 PM |
I don't "allow" my husband to do or NOT do anything. He is a grown man. I have held hands with him in uniform, but we don't kiss or do anything like that when he is. Some of these make sense, but some are just crazy!
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| Lovingnavywife | 2/5/2010 2:11:00 PM |
This is a great article. I'm glad it was posted. There were a few things I was unaware of.
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| alishaadell | 2/19/2010 12:17:28 PM |
I am also a service member so i already knew all these things, but i do agree that some of them seem really unfair because i'm in a relationship with another service member and i hate it when i'm in civilian clothes on his base for lunch and i cant kiss him goodbye because he's in uniform. He usually lets me do it if we're in my truck but not where people can see us, which is fine for me. I honestly believe that all of these rules are legit because i have alot of pride in my uniform and it just looks trashy sometimes when you see people all over each other while in uniform...makes me feel like i'm in high school all over again. I know how much people love their significant other, but just please respect the uniform...these rules were made for a reason. Some people take it to far with the pda and that's why they implemented that rule. Even though you personally may be fine with a peck on the lips/cheek, some people feel they must full on make out to get their affection across, which in turn, looks trashy in uniform. As for the other rules...it's all about the uniform & the respect/pride for it.
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