Relationships - The Uniform Always Wins

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Are you planning to contact your congress person over the proposed changes to military retirement?

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The Uniform Always Wins

Learning to accept military demands.

by Megan Tyson

I plan. I over think. I eventually always manage to conquer all. Or at least I like to think I do.

This marrying a Marine Corps pilot thing was not originally part of the grand plan I had for my life, but I’m learning to enjoy the perks and face obstacles with any sort of stride possible. Good thing I really enjoy seeing my husband in a flight suit.

Like many military couples, we live day by day. Trying not to assume or predict what could come next, it starts to get a little tricky trying to actually live outside “the schedule.” In the beginning, it was almost cute how valiantly we attempted to make dinner and sit down at the table each night. As I fawned over this stud strutting around in his flight suit, we’d make our way around the kitchen creating Chicken Pesto Pizza (a Tyson favorite) and some days I even came home to dinner already made and all I had to do was enjoy.

I’ll let you imagine how long that lasted.

It has gradually turned into waiting for him to get back from late duty, missing him because of a cross country flight, or just watching him exhaustedly walk in the door and make a bee line right for the office, books in hand. As he got further along in training, we started to realize that we were going to have to adjust, and although this utopia-like dinner situation was not always possible, we would make it work. We would make time for each other.

On the nights he’s gone, I have to refrain as hard as I can not to revert back to my single days, when I would come home from work, grab a box of dry cereal (sorry Mom) and call that a meal. To be honest, married or not – those nights are bound to happen. What one may observe as lazy, I simply look at as alternative dining.

Despite waiting for after 5 p.m. to find out what the schedule holds for the next day, I still go ahead and make plans with friends after work. Movies, dinner, working out – everyone needs time with their friends. Of course, I now have to conquer how to get past the puppy dog sad face my husband gives me every time I come back from a night out, while he’s spent the night studying. Still working on that.

“If the Marine Corps wanted him to have a wife, they would have issued him one,” is a popular phrase I constantly hear from my father, a retired Marine.

Regardless of how I fit into this situation, it’s all about balance. Although I’m not an expert on military life, I know that each day, each dinner and each hug after work, whether it’s 5:30 p.m. right when I get home or 2 a.m. when he crawls into bed – there’s no other way I’d rather have it.

Operation: Love ReUnited
Maintaining Friendships When Your Spouse is Deployed
Stay at Home Dad
The Homecoming
Fighting in a Marriage

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jlsmiles22	4/22/2009 5:22:57 AM
I don't really like this article at all. I don't disappear because he's in the military. And the phrase "if the military wanted him to have a wife they would have issued him one" is nothing short of saying "he shouldn't be married at all so suck it up if you want to be here" I'm pretty sure the military wouldn't keep many people in it if they didn't allow them to have any kind of personal life. In my house the uniform doesn't win. But I "get" why he does what he does, so it's not a competition. In his heart I'm first, our family is first, the minute the military hurts our family more than helps it, he'll be finding a new profession. The military isn't the only job that steals time from family....many people miss dinner on a daily basis trying to make the world a better place or simply trying to make sure there is food on that table. It's life. Sometimes more so in the military but I think the rewards out weigh the sacrifice. And at least I know the sacrifice is worth it, which is more than most people can say.
perchmommy	4/22/2009 7:37:16 AM
Glad it's working for you Mrs. Tyson...enjoy it while you can. Everything changes when you have children...can't run off then.
Countryarmywife	4/22/2009 9:45:55 AM
Sounds like you're on a good start to being a military wife, Megan. ;) Even when the kids come, it's all about making your relationship and yourself a priority so you don't get lost in the military. It's something we all need to keep in mind as we go through this life...thanks for the reminder. :)
Jhvanden	4/22/2009 9:56:09 AM
Thank you Megan for writing this article! It's wonderful to finally read about another new spouse going through flight school and learning to adapt to life as a newlywed in the military. As a student spouse I feel very left out. We move every 6 to 9 months, we're not eligible for sponsors at most bases, and it's harder to connect. I feel like we don't belong anywhere yet. No, we haven't had to deal with deployments and we've chosen not have children yet either. However, there are hundreds of other spouses out there going through the same things and we need support too!
MHM	4/22/2009 1:18:48 PM
I think the article is very relevant to my life as a newer military spouse. It didn't take me long to realize that it is all about balance. If I'm not enjoying my "new life" (which I chose by marrying into the military) then my husband is not going to be enjoying life either. He might be very busy with work but I know that he is concerned about how I'm doing - and I'm happy that he cares! As long as I can find balance in my life, whether it's going out with friends, going to the gym or even going back home for a long weekend, then we are both happier and in turn, this makes our relationship stronger. I guess every partnership deals differently with frequent seperations or busy schedules, but we do what we can to make sure we both stay happy and balanced.
joss	4/25/2009 1:40:30 PM
Excited to come across something related Marine pilot life, but there is no substance to this article. It's like a thought scribbled on a sticky note.
FloridaMel	4/25/2009 10:20:13 PM
This article reminds me of being a newlywed and realizing how my life,my education, career plans,EVERYTHING was going to be more of a challenge and all the changes and phases that happened over the course of 15 years of being married to a flyer. This article is familiar to that fleeting moment before we had children when It was all about ME and my Husband and adjusting to being married to a military man with an intense career field. One thing I've learned is to be flexible and strong beyond anything I ever imagined. Ive had to learn how to make a home out of old base houses,decorate on a broken shoestring, support fellow wives like a sister. Every time a military wife thinks she has it figured out and gets her support network of friends and finds balance, something changes. It's a constant balancing act, and the reality is that, as unpopular as it may be, I often have to put my own wants, needs & desires on hold.. sometimes for months and months or even years, in order to keep my family together. Since 2001, my husband has been gone an average of 8-10 months per year. Before that he was gone an average of 3-6 mos per year. With three children and a tight budget (he's a flight engineer.. same schedule as a pilot with more training and less pay, LOL!) I married him when he was an Airman and now he's a MSGT. I've been through just about every aspect of military wife life. I began reading this magazine this week and it seems the majority of articles are written by rather unseasoned wives.
FloridaMel	4/25/2009 10:40:10 PM
I have a hard time taking this article seriously. I've just seen way too much stark reality in my 15 years of being a military wife. It makes me feel sad because I think about all the wives in my own circle, who had husbands from every rank and went through years of difficult deployments and were part of my mutual support network of friends. So many of them made real sacrifices, felt real pain... and over the years I've seen this life take a toll on their marriages, and even on their sanity or ability to have a career. I thank God every day that my husband has not cheated on me or dumped me like so many of the strong, brave, amazing women I've had the priviledge to call friends. Sometimes I feel a touch of survivors guilt that we have a marriage that has been able to stand these enormous, virtually impossible stresses. I love him and support him and our marriage is forever, but military wives deserve realistic support and advice. Im sure this is a nice article for women who have only just begun the journey. The phrase about if the marines wanted him to have a wife... that's just lame. Far too many people fail to realize the positive impact wives have on their military spouses, I can't speak for all branches, but the Air Force is often reminding wives of their important contribution to the mission and support of their spouses. When asked, I usually tell new wives to enjoy what they can when they can, hold onto the good times, know that you will need to be stronger and more flexible than you ever imagined. YOu will experience so many things you could never have dreamed of. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do...but with a good attitude and dedication and hard work, it can also be the most rewarding life imaginable, even though it will test you in ways unimaginable.
Megan Tyson	8/13/2009 1:33:54 AM
I realize that I might be a little late, but I wanted to say thank you for your thoughts and comments. I appreciate your feedback and hope to keep your thoughts in mind for the future. Even though we might be at different stages, I'm grateful for everything you do in support of your spouses.
joss	9/3/2009 1:28:24 PM
I like this better reading it the second time around. I would, though, change the headline and sub-headline (which make it sound like the article is about getting a lobotomy and loving it) and jettison the quote from her dad, since no one in this day and age is trying to work within the boundaries of that idea.
joss	9/3/2009 4:26:02 PM
@ Jhvanden I feel exactly the same way! And as his training progresses, the places we wind up seem increasingly ... remote. I look forward to knowing WHAT he'll be flying, getting to be somewhere for more than a few months, and maybe even be attached to a 'real' base (boy, do I miss Quantico.)
squiki112809	8/22/2010 5:43:31 PM
Falling in love with a Marine wasn't something I had planned on either but now that I have I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm at 150 days of deployment and keeping busy is vital right now. I think we don't have the luxury not to have other things going on in our lives. Deployments are long and painful realities and while we many be apart from their husbands at times, the last time I checked none of my friends have to worry about their clients trying to kill their spouse. We owe it to them to keep busy with things that matter to us so they worry less and focus on the job. I know he loves me and he worries about me and I don't want him to, I want to know I am here and keeping myself busy until he returns. And when he walks in the door, in that uniform exhausted I will drop everything for him. The uniform wins for sure. It's worth it. Thank you for this article. I needed it today.

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