Children at the Terrible Twos and Threes
Enjoy parenting during the toddler years with these tips
by Robin Speck, R.N.
The “terrible twos” and “tyrannical threes”: Many parents envision these years as the bane of their childrearing years. But they can actually be some of the most fun, wonderful and precious times you spend with your child!
Two- and three-year-olds sop up knowledge like sponges; they’re always eager to take on new challenges and spread their wings. How can you allow them independence while maintaining your parental control (and still managing to have fun)?
MORE CHOICE, LESS STRUGGLE. Never ask a child if he wants dinner, a bath or bedtime; it’s not his choice. Instead, control the situation while leaving your child with an option: “Janie, it’s time for dinner. Do you think we should have peas or green beans with our roasted chicken and potatoes?” This method also works for getting dressed (choice of blue or red shirt), bath time (the duck or the boat in the tub) and many other situations. Give a simple choice and avoid frequent struggles.
THE CLEANING GAME. Getting our children to clean up their toys is a struggle for most of us. If you can make a game of it your child will be more willing to participate: “Let’s see how fast you can get all the red cars onto the toy shelves; now the blue ones. You were so much faster with the red ones! Good job, Sam.” Another helpful rule: You can’t take out a new toy until you put one back. (Shelves are a good storage option, as your child’s toys are in plain sight. Also, limiting the number of toys available to play with helps. “Rediscovering” old toys every few weeks keeps them fresh and fun.)
“FIVE MORE MINUTES!” Small children like structured situations. Changing routine can be stressful for them. It’s easier to prepare them for change by giving warnings: “Five minutes until we leave for the grocery store, so wrap up what you’re doing, please.” This is a huge help even to children who have little grasp on the concept of time. Giving a one-minute “wrap things up now” warning also makes getting out the door much easier.
REVIEW EXPECATIONS. Speaking of “field trips,” (and yes, every simple outing can be a field trip) discuss expected behaviors just before you exit the car. This helps situate your rules in the forefront of your child’s mind. (“Stay by my side.” “We are not buying anything extra.” “Use inside voices, please.”)
LEARNING AND HELPING. “I need three apples. Please hold the bag and count for me. What shape are oranges?” Two and three are great ages to play counting, shape and color games. In addition, having your child help to pick the food (meat/vegetable/cereal) the family will be eating may even excite him about eating! If he’s involved, the process will be more pleasant.
Yes, letting your child have a small say in things takes time and effort, but look at how much he’s learning! Bringing your world to your child and you’ll help him feel grown-up and respected. These tips can help your preschooler become the terrific two- and tremendous three-year-old that everyone will want to be around!