Taking on Too Much When Your Husband is Deployed
by Anita Tedaldi
As if being a military wife is not difficult enough, I sometimes find myself wrestling with what I call the “Super Military Wife Syndrome,” or SMWS for short. Maybe I’m having an episode, but I’m really feeling the need to warn all military spouses of it …
SMWS often lies dormant until triggered by a major stressor, namely a husband’s deployment. The primary symptom is a nagging urge to bite off more than you can chew.
You may suddenly find yourself leading three Girl Scout troops, assuming a full time job (in addition the one full-time and two part-times you already have) and registering for a 26-credit-hour load this semester–or any combination of the above. The debilitating consequences of SMWS include an inability to fulfill every obligation you’ve committed yourself to, and disappointment after falling short of your unattainable standards.
The first sign that I am under this syndrome’s spell is an obsession with keeping things tidy. I find myself jonesing to organize my family’s belongings into trendy Pier One baskets. Next, I attempt to become Super Woman. I decide that I need to “get more involved” in my community. The post thrift shop needs help, right? And there is a vacant PTA position at my daughter’s school …
I find myself trying to fill my own mental Pier One basket to the brim, all while telling others I’m handling the load “just great.” I hardly remember my husband is gone, and can’t remember when he returns. Never mind the large, daily X’s on my calendar–they’re for my kids’ peace of mind.
The cure for Super Military Wife Syndrome is found in confronting the fact that we just can’t do it all. Though we have to “chin up” and persevere through daily life during our husbands’ absences, we don’t have to save the world. We just can’t. We don’t have to feel guilty; we don’t have to feel inadequate.
It’s difficult being both mom and dad, especially while assuming our husbands’ usual tasks at home. (Ok, they do have few.) In admitting our need for help and support, we find strength in other wives who will offer us a helping hand, a good laugh or a much-needed shoulder to cry on.
`Next time you find yourself in the middle of an SMWS episode, know there is a cure. A hot bath, long nap and a cup of tea might speed your recovery. And if anyone knows of a Pier One outlet store close, I’d love to get directions. I’m looking for a really, really large basket.