Relationships - Special Occasions Apart

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Special Occasions Apart

Ideas and ways to make it through celebrating apart.

by Whitney Bailey

Don’t be a slave to traditions.

Try to maintain traditions while your spouse is gone, but don’t fuss if every little detail isn’t the same as the year before. It’s important for children to see that the special occasions go on even when a parent is away.

Consider starting a new tradition for yourself, or make substitutions until you two can be together again. Instead of sitting at home on your anniversary, plan a girls’ night out. If you live alone, consider spending the special day with friends or relatives so you don’t wake up to an empty house.

Mutual participation is key.

If there’s a way you can include your spouse in the celebration, do it! Make and mail copies of your children’s letters to Santa. Swipe pieces of their Halloween candy (you know you do it) and mail them to your spouse. If you send out holiday cards or a newsletter, ask your spouse to write his own message and add it to the mailing.

Record everything.

If you both have access to a high-speed Internet connection, invest in a webcam and transmit your special moments. If a video camera is your only tool, take care to tape the action and forward it to your spouse. If you mail a tape or CD be sure to make a copy of it first. Your spouse may not be able to bring it back and he may be eager to enjoy the moments again when he returns. If a video isn’t possible, a simple written record of the day can go a long way in making him feel like he was there.

Don't worry about gifts arriving on time.

If possible, pack and mail special gifts two months in advance. Write "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL" in huge, bold letters on the box. If he opens his gift early, so what? He obviously needed a morale boost that day. And if the gift arrives two weeks late? As your mother always said, “It’s the thought that counts!”

Think outside the box.

Sending a gift to your spouse for his birthday is great, but there are other ways to celebrate. Bake his favorite cake and freeze a nice, large piece for him to enjoy when he returns. Take a picture of yourself blowing out the candles or sneaking some frosting. Let him know you and the cake are waiting for him when he gets home. If your spouse is short on storage space, send him a “parade of cards” (store-bought or homemade) featuring his favorite cartoon character, animal or theme. Create and include customized coupons for pampering upon homecoming.

Whatever you do, remember that special occasions are a time of celebration. Look for ways you can celebrate together; try not to dwell on the things that you can’t change. Do everything you can to make the holidays a special time for your spouse and you’ll find that they’re still a special time for you too.

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User comments:

anangelsmom	5/21/2008 1:46:15 PM
I have to say I dont agree with this.. yes sending him things and him sending you things is a good way to remember your days.. bdays and ann. days and other things.. but as far as doing things with out your loved one with you, I cant I cant do a dinner by myself or go to the beach by my self its not about doing as it is a safty thing too.. my kids know that these days are important but they know it takes two to have a day thats worth something.. days like these are hard but you can do other things to help pass that time.. you dont have to do nothing if you dont want to or you can have friends come over or have a girls night... good luck to us all who have to face these days alone...
Perchmommy	7/30/2008 9:52:19 AM
I agree with anangelsmom. I have been a mil spouse for 11 years now and was a navy brat for 23 years. There have been special occasions that went by without my father and many more without my spouse (including the birth of our firstborn). My hubby is currently deployed, I have already had to celebrate our 11 year anniversary (as well as Mother's Day and Father's Day) without him here. As much as I would have loved for the day to be "special" On our anniversary, I ended up being in the car on a ten hour drive home from a "vacation without my spouse" with a sick 3 year old. Sometimes it sucks no matter what you try to do, and that is ok. A lonely day is still a day you can cross off a calendar when all is said and done.
ssgwife01	7/30/2008 11:04:54 AM
While my husband was gone we continued w/the traditions we had. My boys still had their bday parties. I went out w/a spouse for our annv. I also webcamed at dinner time w/my DH on our annv. He had my picture on his desktop and took a picture of it with his dinner and emailed me. Before he left in Oct we shopped for the boys xmas presents. He opened one of his Xmas gifts early and the rest while we were on the phone. I didn't sit at home and be sad - all the time. The boys & I w/a friend would take a road trip to Chattanooga. We would go out to eat & to the movies. It was hard to do but I did it. It wasn't fair to my boys to do nothing while he was gone.
Perchmommy	7/30/2008 2:21:23 PM
While I agree with you ssgwife01 that keeping up with family traditions is important and that it is not fair to the kids to stay home and do nothing while your spouse is gone...not everyone has the convenience of webcam in their home, or the financial ability to do Christmas shopping before a deployment.
L.Lopez324	7/31/2008 5:19:01 PM
I agree with the things that u guys r talking about when it comes to ann. and birthdays; but what if its the first deployment and u dont have kids. My fiance and i at the moment talk every 12 hrs because im in the hospital and have become 80% paralized from the waist down. im worried about when he comes home. We wont be able to do anything we used to do. We go skydiving and rock climbing and surf on our anniversaries. now what can we do. Plus now he was supposed to come home Sept. 25th and now they pushed it back to the end of October. We are supposed to be getting married on May 3rd but now its almost impossible because they keep pushing everything back and he wants to be apart of everything and he wont let me do anything that has o do with the wedding because he wants to do it to. what can i do with a situation like this?
joss	10/10/2008 9:41:53 AM
I agree completely that maintaining some level of normalcy is important for young children. I think this article could be used to start a great conversation with teenagers, spouses, and yourself. In their case, you may find they think going for "normalcy" just makes the one thing that's different that much more painful. The important thing is to talk; this article is a great starting point for that.
ProudFurMommy	5/6/2009 5:38:40 AM
What's wrong with going out by yourself? My husband is on his second deployment and we don't have any kids. When my birthday came around I took myself out to ice cream and a movie. If there's a movie playing or an event going on, or if I want to go out to dinner I will, alone, and am perfectly fine. I hate sitting at home doing nothing, to me that's letting the deployment kick my butt. My husband is very happy that he doesn't have to worry about me just sitting at home being depressed. Does this mean I miss him any less, no! Does this make me a bad wife, no! My way of handling the deployment is to not let it beat me down. Empower yourself, we are strong beautiful women who can do anything we put our minds to, with or without someone else there.

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