Settling in to a New Duty Station
Adjusting after another PCS.
by Susan Miller
If you have recently moved, or will be moving in the near future, I want to encourage your heart. From one who has traveled that road by relocating 14 times, I know the emotional journey ahead of you. I also know that moving will touch every aspect of your life.
Moving is so much more than loading and unloading boxes!
Moving means change, and change can affect you physically, emotionally and even spiritually. It will have an affect on your marriage, your children, and your relationships, because along with any PCS or deployment, comes change. Moving is often compared to a puzzle of a thousand pieces that has been turned upside down and it’s up to you to put the puzzle back together again.
When you move, you leave behind all that is familiar to face the unknown. Many women feel like their whole life is in brown boxes and the effort to start all over again is overwhelming. You are disconnected from friends, perhaps even family, and you lose a sense of community. Until you begin to put down roots in a new place and reconnect through relationships, loneliness is all you know. A military spouse who recently moved said, “The hardest thing about moving is being alone and not even having a good friend nearby to be with or call.”
Perhaps you need hope and encouragement to get you through the major impact of a move. This is what helped me emotionally survive and understand the process of adjustment. It all began with the choice to either be open or closed to change.
The first step I had to take was to choose to let go and leave behind any encumbrances that would prevent me from starting over and moving ahead with my life. Next, I had to actually choose to start over, even if I didn’t want to! Until I accepted the reality of having to start over, I couldn’t be ready to move ahead with my life. Finally, I had to choose to move ahead. It was time to come full circle with my move, put aside my pity party, and do whatever it took to move ahead. I quickly learned the journey after a move is one of action.
Let’s take this one step further. If you feel like you haven’t settled in yet, there are some practical things you can do to help ease the transition of being new. Whether you are lonely, looking for new friends, or just want to connect in the community, here are some ways to help you put down roots and begin to bloom where you are planted!
1. Volunteer. You can always find an organization or a church that needs your time and presence. Join up and join in! This is a great way to meet new people and feel needed at the same time.
2. Hit the garage sales. Be up and ready to go on Friday and Saturday mornings. You can learn your way around your new town and have fun doing it.
3. Have a neighborhood coffee. Put invitations at the front door of your neighbors. Set up coffee and goodies in the driveway on a Saturday morning and put out a welcome sign.
4. Offer your home. Offer your home for neighborhood meetings, school meetings, church meetings or any kind of gathering to bring people together for a purpose.
5. Give out personal address cards. Instead of business cards, have some small personal cards made (on the computer) to give out to new friends. Include names of mom, dad and children, along with address and phone. This is helpful for your children too, especially when they can’t remember their new address yet!
6. Do something different. Consider taking a class to expand your interests, joining a book club, or taking lessons for something you want to know how to do.
7. Walk as much as you can. Good for the body and the mind!
8. Ask questions about the area. This is a great way to start a conversation. Everybody loves to give their opinion of the best shopping places.
9. Explore your new surroundings. In other words, get up and get out there. Sitting at home all the time isn’t good for you emotionally or physically. There are lots of places to go and things to see. Just do it!
10. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. There is always someone whose circumstances are harder than yours.
Never give up and never lose heart in the transitions of your life. You can become a “moving overcomer.” I’m standing on the sidelines cheering you on every step of the way!
Written by Susan Miller, America’s Moving Coach® and Founder/President of Just Moved! . She is the author of “After the Boxes are Unpacked,” “But Mom, I Don’t Want To Move!” and “My Journal of 52 Weeks After a Move.”
Just Moved! helps to connect women who move through “Moving On After Moving On” classes and support groups. Visit the Web site, www.justmoved.org, for more information and resources on moving, and to find military installations who offer these classes.