The Quick and Easy Wedding or Elopement
A wedding for benefits can still be a memorable occasion.
by Heidi Russell Rafferty
If your guy’s deployment forces a quickie “I Do,” you don’t have to face the same conditions I did. It is possible to elope with aplomb, even if you just have one day’s notice, said leading lifestyle expert Susie Coelho. She is the best-selling author of four books, including “Style Your Dream Wedding” and also is a former host of HGTV’s “Outer Spaces” and “Surprise Gardener.”
“Your task is to decide, ‘how do I make this the most personalized and special it can be?’” Coelho said. “The answer isn’t in any of the things associated with normal weddings. It’s most important to make it a memorable occasion. And you have to wrap this concept around your head: You won’t have the same thing you might’ve dreamed about when you were a little girl.”
To pull off a unique union, all you need is the dress, the place, the words, and the party – all presented with your special touch, of course. Here’s how to do it:
The dress:
“For women, a dress is very important, but it doesn’t have to be a ball gown or cost hundreds,” Coelho said. “Hit places like David’s Bridal, which is practically in every city and does fittings easily or you can find exquisite dresses on eBay or consignment stores.”
One of her friends ordered five dresses on eBay, chose one, and then sold the rest on consignment for triple the amount she’d paid.
When Coelho married her first husband, the late Sunny Bono, there wasn’t a bridal shop nearby. So she wore lingerie to her wedding.
“It was white, and it had layers and looked like a wedding dress,” she said. “I wore it with ballet flats. It was snowing like crazy and I borrowed a cape from a girlfriend that had a hood and was white.”
The place:
The location of your vows says a lot about you. Coelho said it’s important to choose a place that is meaningful to both of you.
Hit the beach when your guy and all of his friends are off duty. Enjoy cycling? Take a bike trail to your favorite picnic spot and get married there. Do you like hiking? Say your vows on your favorite hilltop climb.
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Staying at a bed and breakfast (B&B) is another option many people overlook. Alice Suh, spokeswoman for www.BnBFinder.com said many B&Bs offer all-inclusive wedding packages that include the ceremony, the officiant, the music, the cake and other reception food. That frees you from the worries and stress that accompany normal weddings, Suh said. Cost is nominal, too, compared to a lavish celebration.
“Some of the best wedding experts are innkeepers at bed & breakfasts who also function as wedding planners and hosts,” Suh said. “As opposed to the court house, you can tell the innkeeper you’re getting married, and they can arrange the bouquet and boutonniere, call the JP, have cake and champagne ready and will give you souvenir flutes, and the most romantic rooms with the best views. They’ll also make extra touches. It’s a party just for you guys – a personal service.”
Suh added that many B&B owners are anxious to serve military couples. Show your military ID, and you may get extra perks, she said. However, remember that chemistry with the B&B owner is important. “Call before you go there, because that’s the person you’re dealing with. You want someone with whom you have a good vibe and is willing to meet your needs,” Suh said.
The words:
The promises you make during your marriage ceremony can also enrich your elopement experience, Coelho said.
“Make it so that it’s something you want to say to each other, and make it personal between the two of you,” she said, adding that if your fiancé balks, just tell him you won’t marry him without “a beautiful love note.”
“And if he has trouble, tell him to get with your girlfriend and ask her for help,” Coelho said. “You can also frame your vows so that he can take them along during the deployment.
The party:
Like the wedding site, choose someplace special to celebrate. “Personally, a picnic on the beach would be more special to me than going to a restaurant,” Coelho said.
You could ask people to bring their special dishes to someone’s house.
“We all traditionally think ‘catered meal’ with weddings, but that’s expensive, and those are not necessarily the most wonderful moments,” Coelho said. “Someone’s house for dinner is a much nicer experience. It’s a more intimate setting.”
You also could have a small dinner, and then invite a large group of friends for a dessert and coffee party. “One fun idea is that you can set up a table of just different coffees,” Coelho said. “Get little dishes or bowls that you buy cheap and put cinnamon in one, chocolate in the other, another one with fresh whipped cream, chocolate swivel sticks. Take spoons and melt chocolate and put them in the fridge for coffee stirrers. Or, have an appetizer party.”
After Coelho’s small wedding reception, she and Bono opened up the event to people who wanted to bring their friends over for a large New Year’s Eve party.
“People came who I didn’t even know – Andy Warhol, the Kennedys, Arnold Schwarzenegger … Everyone remembered it, even to this day,” she recalled.
Well, you may not have the Terminator at your party like Coelho did, but you get the idea.
“Look at this square in the nose,” Coelho said. “Say to yourself, ‘This is the situation I’m in, and these are all of the good things. My spouse is fighting for my country. I’m on board with this.’ Think about all the reasons you’re supporting him. In the end, that’s way more important than a wedding.”