Preparing for Homecoming
by Karen Pavlicin
As you approach the close of a long deployment, you dream of a movie-like homecoming and the happily-ever-after life. You wait. And you worry. Picture-perfect homecoming aside, your first days together likely will be filled with both excitement and anxiety as you again face the future together. It’s important to brace yourself.
Reflect on Your Experience
How has your family changed? Do you have different priorities now? What made your relationship special before the deployment? How has your relationship changed? Look through your journal or letters from the deployment. What milestones have you passed during this time? What are you most looking forward to when the two of you are together again? Does your spouse know what’s important to you about your reunion? By taking the time to reflect on the changes you, your family and your service member experienced, you help prepare yourself for being together again.
Trish Eckert talked with her daughters, ages 13 and 19, about some of the changes that would occur when her husband, Steve, returned from Iraq. “The girls and I discussed how their father would be different when he came home,” Trish says. “I was open and honest with them and answered all their questions to the best of my knowledge. … We talked about what we could and could not discuss with him when he returned home.”
Home is a Different World
“Steve … had no real privacy,” says Trish of her husband’s living conditions during deployment. “For him, a typical trip to the bathroom was to put on all of his protective gear and walk 100 yards to a port-a-potty. He worked erratic hours and this carried over when he came home.”
Even eating was a whole new ball game. “Steve would only eat with his left hand and he’d be finished before the rest of us,” she says. “In Iraq, he used his right hand for his pistol and at home he would keep his hand clean and under the table throughout dinner. He only had ten to fifteen minutes to eat in Iraq. It took some time for him to adjust and get back on a regular eating schedule again at home.”
Most daily challenges will center around the intricacies of living together again. The service member will also need to readjust to home life and American culture. Be patient with the annoying habits you forgot about. Understand that soft toilet paper and privacy may be more appealing than mowing the lawn for a while. You’ll again be sharing decisions, talking face-to-face, making career choices and living with new life perspectives. You may also find yourself dealing with post-deployment challenges such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.