On the Fly

By Mollie Gross

I married a grunt. But when you hear the things he told me to convince me to marry him, you would think he was into recruiting.

The conversation went something like this: “Gee Jon, marrying you would mean I’d leave my family, my friends, my hobbies, and my career to follow you across the country so you could leave me to go on a bunch of deployments.”

“But babe, you can have all the closet space because I wear the same thing every day,” he countered. “You can have as many babies you want ‘cause its free, and I promise I’ll never get on your nerves ‘cause I’ll always be gone.”

I still was not completely convinced. Then he told me about BAH and separation pay…and we eloped that weekend.

Well, it wasn’t really that simple, but we did elope. Jon had orders. We knew we were getting married one day, but with a PCS around the corner and a deployment to follow, the military gave us a count-down. Off to the cheesy wedding chapel we went, followed by a ton of disapproval.

That was my first introduction to the military dictating all the “whens” in my life—when I could move, when I could go on vacation, when I could see my husband. It was not the last time family and friends would not understand.   

Priorities in military families are often very different from civilian families and the nuptials are no different. To Jon and me, becoming man and wife was all about the marriage, not the wedding. With little time and money and our families scattered across the country, a traditional wedding wasn’t practical.

I found quickly in my new military family that we were not the only couple to elope… it seemed we were the rule and not the exception. Military brides today can take comfort on social sites like Facebook finding they are not alone.

I recently asked my friends on Facebook about eloping. The response was amazing! Loving couples who started their marriages on the fly shared so many fond memories. Unfortunately another thing we all shared was disgruntled family and friends. And these same family members wonder why we don’t want to come home on holidays.

I want to ask these family members who have bullied the new couple over the decision to elope, “What is more important, a huge party with both sides of the family, or knowing your son who is serving our country has support on the home front?”

I hope this generation of military families, facing constant deployments to two war zones, is not distracted by opinions of their elopement from the outside. It can set the tone with family and friends for the whole marriage. Keep focused on what you set out to do on that wedding day—to become joined to this man and to help serve beside him.  Both of you remember this when someone starts up about how upset they were that you did not have a traditional wedding.  The marriage vow states, “Let no man put asunder.” That “man” could be a brother, BFF, sister, mother-in-law, grandma, or anyone. Stay focused on your new family, which is the two of you. Look back on your elopement as the beginning of a great adventure between you and your new husband, and a great mutual service to your country.

Mollie Gross is a military wife humorist. She is also a former Marine spouse, author, professional standup comedienne, and motivational speaker. To see her tour schedule, buy a copy of her audio CD or book: Confessions of a Military Wife, or to inquire about booking, please visit www.molliegross.com. For a daily dose of comedy, join her friends on Facebook:

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