The New Party Protocol
Top 10 etiquette rules for your cost-conscious party
by Sharon Naylor
The cost of a party may be the first thing on your mind these days. And that’s good because party expenses are the focus of today’s new etiquette. Here are the new etiquette rules, financial and traditional, for your party plans:
1. Your guest list. No need to apologize ahead of time. If anyone asks about little Johnny’s upcoming birthday party, it’s okay to say you’re going smaller this time. The surprising reaction of many guests? Relief. Having dozens of parties to attend back-to-back is a strain on their budget as well.
2. No dates, please. It’s okay for you to limit your guest list by inviting adults without inviting their guests.
3. Gifts. For anniversary parties, going away parties and other non-birthday or wedding events, it’s now okay to print a great big NO GIFTS, PLEASE on the invitation. Some guests will show up with a bottle of wine or some other token, but you’ve provided a lovely ‘out’ for guests who are feeling a financial crunch.
4. Invitations. For birthday and anniversary parties, Evite.com is now considered etiquette-friendly, and you get the additional perk of being eco-friendly by skipping paper invites. And it’s a lot less work.
5. Provide directions. Add a link to a Web site like WeddingMapper.com if your party is wedding-centric. This fun site allows you to create a customized map with icons showing your house, the party site, and other points of interest. If you’re sending print invitations, enclose a small card with easy, written driving directions. Yes, many people have GPS systems and only need your address, but some guests might not have such technology.
6. Call if they don’t RSVP. Whatever the reason, if guests haven’t gotten back to you with their response, it’s fine for you to call them to ask if they’ll attend. Tell them that you have to submit your catering order now.
7. Menu. If your party will take place at dinnertime, provide a dinner menu. A good array of buffet items or food stations will suffice. It’s a big mistake to under-feed your guests at a mealtime. So if you’re on a tight budget, plan your party for lunchtime, which allows you to serve lighter fare.
8. Potluck and your family politics. While it’s long been considered unacceptable to have guests bring the meal for the party, in some families and regions, it’s more than acceptable – it’s standard practice. So see how you feel about planning a potluck party.
9. Drinks. While some families have practiced the tradition of cash bars with no complaints, it’s always considered better etiquette to provide drinks for your guests without them having to pay.
10. Thank you cards. The guest of honor should send out thank-you notes to all of the guests even if you planned a No-Gift party. They should still send a note to thank guests for attending. And if relatives or friends helped you with the baking, décor, or other elements of the party, do write them a nice, handwritten thank you note as well. Don’t send e-mails.
Sharon Naylor is the author of more than 35 family celebration books including Renewing Your Wedding Vows, www.sharonnaylor.net.