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Naughty Kids
It may be yours.
by Sarah Smiley
After the first few days in a new classroom, your child is likely to come home and claim that they don't know the names of any other students.
"You can't remember even one friend's name," you'll say. But your child's lips are sealed. Only after your relentless prodding will your child finally confess: "Well, there is this one kid...." That "one kid," is guaranteed to be the naughty kid.
Every class has a naughty kid. Other children quickly learn the naughty kid's name because they hear it called aloud by the teacher over and over again. Beware any child whose name is the first one that your son or daughter learns, especially if your child says this person is their new best friend.
But what if your child is the naughty kid? How will you know? Your first clue might be if your son or daughter says there isn't a naughty student in the class. (Remember, there is always a naughty kid.)
ME: (Speaking to my 5-year old son, who just started kindergarten): "Owen, did you learn any friends' names today?"
OWEN: "No, Mom."
ME: "Not even the naughty kid's name?"
OWEN: "We don't have a naughty kid in our class."
ME: "No naughty kid? That's impossible. Every class has a naughty kid."
OWEN: "Not my class."
ME: "Well that's good. But you don't know anyone's name? You didn't hear the teacher saying someone's name over and over again?"
OWEN: "Nope."
The second clue that your child is the naughty one in his class: Other parents know your child's name.
ME (speaking to the mother of someone in Owen's class): "I'm sorry, what is your daughter's name? I'm still trying to match parents to children."
ANOTHER PARENT: "Your Owen's mom, right?"
ME: "Yes."
ANOTHER PARENT: "We hear alot about Owen."
The third and final clue that your child is the naughty one in class: They seem to always have a new seat.
ME: "Owen, what was your favorite part of the week?"
OWEN: "That I'm sitting at my friend's table again."
ME: "You've switched tables already? It's only the second week of school."
OWEN: "I switch tables every day, Mom. Each time I get in trouble, the teacher finds me a new seat."
"I guess I need to call Owen's teacher and arrange a meeting," I said aloud to myself that night, and my oldest son, Ford, overheard.
"I bet the teacher will answer and say, 'Well, hello there you naughty parent'," Ford said, bringing a whole new element into my dilemma. If every class has a naughty child, I guess it makes sense that there is a "naughty parent" as well.
Owen came into the room and heard us talking. "Oh come on now, stop," he said. "Let's not go calling my teacher, or anything. I've got it all under control."
Which, of course, is Clue #1 that you need a Parent-Teacher conference pronto.