Military Spouse Mentorship

Three myths about navigating your military lifestyle

by Michelle Cuthrell


Though mentorship is a professional model in the military community, there is no official, military-wide or formal mentorship program for spouses. But there are informal – and essential – networks within the community where women can develop relationship with a military spouse mentor.

Myth No. 1: I don’t need someone to show me how to be a military wife.
Reality: Anyone can fall in love with a Soldier. But if you’ve never navigated these unfamiliar military waters, with deployments, TDY tours and high expectations for independence on the home front, find a first mate to help guide your ship.

National Guard wife Vicki Holm said she had no idea what to expect when the military notified her husband he would be deploying. Holm had moved with her husband, a member of the New York National Guard, to Fort Leonard Wood, Mo., where he had enrolled in a six-month military course. Instead of returning home, she stayed in Missouri where she hoped to find a mentor and found several willing women in her neighborhood and FRG group. “It was through our daily lives that these friendships became more like families,” Holm said. “The patriotism of my mentors inspired me, and I found I enjoyed the security of the military life.”

Myth No. 2: Only people whose lives are in shambles seek mentors.
Reality: Failing women don’t seek mentors; wise women do. In order to serve and sacrifice and perform the duties in this life that are so countercultural to human nature, you need the guidance, encouragement, advice, accountability and example of other women who have come before you and done it well.

Look to women within a church family, post community or military organization. “Another resource would be women from your FRG who have embraced this lifestyle and don’t constantly complain about it,” Army wife Ali Bailey said. “Women that you meet through your children’s activities and school are also a great resource and often uplifting and encouraging.” Some posts, like Fort Lewis, Wash., even have formal mentorship matching programs through organizations like Protestant Women of the Chapel.

Myth No. 3: Several years into this military gig, I’ve figured this whole spouse system out. I don’t need a mentor.
Reality: In the military, circumstances, deployment status and life situations change almost as frequently as home of residence. A mentor can help light new paths.

The goal is to develop a relationship with a woman who has an admirable attitude about military life and simply spend time with her, thereby learning from her example.