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LemonadeDeployment Challenges

I'm trying to count my blessings while my husband's away, but it's not working.

by Sarah Smiley 

 

As military spouses, we face a lot of challenges. Sometimes our lives don’t seem fair. Yet as the old saying goes, when life gives you lemons, you have but one thing to do — stick them in your bra. No wait, that’s the wrong anecdote. When life gives you lemons, you have to chuck them at the wall. No, that’s wrong, too.

Anyway, the point is, when the military presents us with less-than-perfect situations, we have to make the most of it. I do this by counting the ways that my life is easier while my husband, Dustin, is deployed.

KEEPING THE HOUSE CLEAN

My husband is disorganized. Sometimes, in fact, having Dustin around is like having a third child. So when he is away, I savor the chance to mop the floors and clean the house, and have it stay that way for longer than a day. I walk into our closet and admire the way I’ve hung Dustin’s clothes, neatly arranged by color, size and season. I look at his shoes lined-up against the wall like little soldiers waiting for feet.

Oh, all right, it’s nice for a week — maybe two — but sometimes, if Dustin’s been gone too long, I admit that I squirt shaving cream on the counter and let it dry, just so I can smell it and think of him. What can I say? My system isn’t perfect. 

SHOPPING

Once, when Dustin returned home from a six-month deployment, the first thing he said after going into our closet was, “You bought new shoes?”

“Um, you mean during the last six months? Yes, Dustin, I did in fact buy a pair of shoes,” I said.

Then I quickly threw a terry cloth robe over the other seven pairs I had bought.

So you can see how deployments offer me opportunities, such as purchasing gas at the closest station possible, even if it isn’t the cheapest. Or decorating our house with something other than our children’s artwork. I admit that sometimes I go a little overboard, and our finances are more stable when Dustin is home. Still ...

GETTING WORK DONE

My days are stretched thin. Between work, the house, the kids and Dustin, I have very little time for myself. I finally get the kids to bed, and then there’s Dustin, waiting like a puppy at the foot of the stairs.

When I’m alone, I can get an amazing amount of work done at night. I can paint my toenails and watch cheesy TV movies. I can read in bed without the light keeping anyone awake.

But now that I think about it, when Dustin is away, the house is unbearably quiet after the boys are asleep. I clean the dishes and sit in my tidy living room all alone, missing my husband — faults and all — so bad that it hurts.

And it’s times like these that I remember, we might manage to make lemonade, but a lemon is still a lemon. And they all taste pretty sour.

 



Related Articles:

Handling Money During a Deployment
Stress in Combat
Children Coping with Death and Loss
Featured Spouse Group—Naval Officers’ Spouses’ Club, San Diego
Special Occasions Apart

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User comments:

ATVingMom1/9/2008 7:38:46 PM
I am 10 months into an 18 month deployment (you gotta love TDY enroute!). I just got home from my son's soccer game and in front of me a husband put his arm around his wife. Holy Cow. That small act of nurturing and love just made my heart ache. I had to be careful or I was going to choke up. This was soccer playoffs for goodness sake. Summer will be here soon - I hope!
Marie-NavyWifeRadio1/10/2008 1:35:53 AM
Yep, that's my story. When Nick is home, life is crazy. When he is gone, the house is spotless, the yard is perfect, I too paint my toe nails and catch up on shows and movies that I normally would get out voted on. I take longer baths, read in bed, and get all kinds of projects and work done. But, at the end of the day, I sit alone in a house that is too quiet and just too freakishly clean. And the sad songs that catch you off guard and those darn hallmark commercials make you want all the craziness back. . .Well, I feel that way until Nick walks in and ask, "Is that new??" ~sigh~Then it all starts over again. . .
Heather N1/10/2008 10:38:30 AM
Toe nails must be a thing. When my husband is home I go out and rush to get my nails done at a salon, but when he's deployeed I spend hours at night soaking my feet for one show, painting them for the next. I save money... But I think I prefer the rush as well. The patriotic songs and TV info can catch you off guard too.
Sarah1/10/2008 11:17:21 AM
We are currently getting ready for his first deployment (400 days at least) Although he is not yet gone and I am dreading it! I see myself feeling the same as all of you. Clean house, no snoring in bed, Watching whatever I want on TV. But at the end of everyday missing him like crazy. It would be one thing if he was just out of town... but Iraq is a whole nother story. Its nice to know im not alone in this.. Thank you girls!! P.S. I already bought a secret can of his shaving cream to smell on the bad days.
Proud 'Tree' Wife1/11/2008 3:35:48 PM
Darla- Armywife I am 6 months into my first deployment; and its possible that I have 12 moths to go. At the beginning of the deployment, I think I was numb, but you get adjusted to living alone. I don't take up much of our king sized bed, but I sleep with the teddy bear. For me, home life is alittle more crazy with him being away- he's the very organized one- but I am enjoying not having to watch so much of the military channel and "Car Crazy". I read and enjoy the lack of snoring at night. I miss him so much, but I appreciate becoming more assertive and independent!
Sherry1/11/2008 10:24:09 PM
I know how you all feel. My hubby and I have been married 12 1/2 years and he's been gone close to 4 of them. He is in his 6th month of his 2nd tour to Iraq and has 9 months to go. It's nice to watch your shows, eat what you want, not have to pick up his clothes and shoes, etc. but it does get very lonely when my 11 year old son heads off to bed. When I'm off work and my son is in school, I hate to admit that I get very bored. I'm more emotional over little things when my hubby is gone and find that I'm less tolerant of that crap at work. Wish you all luck with the deployments. Hope you have a great new year. Sherry
jocotito1/14/2008 3:16:57 AM
Well girls let me tell you this is my first deployment and it looks like is going to be the last one, I've been married for 19years,3 beautiful kids 17,15 and 10, my husband came on R&R and that day I was so excited I even drove all the way to Dallas to picked him up like 3 /12 hours driving when I got there it gave me the impression that he was too close to another soldier and they were bought stop by a nice lady he suddenly looked outside and saw me so he left the other soldier(which was a girl)said something between lips to her and came to us, I was expecting a big hug and a long kiss, he kissed me not even like when he was living to work ,he left apparently "happy" then he hugged me and gave me a good bye kiss,so now after that for New Year he went to another base with a partner(girl)and had to stay there for a week ('cause weather problems)he sent email with 1 line,not even a call!, Friday he gets on line and after a while,he tells me when he comes back he wants the divorce because "he's not in love but he claims to love me and the kids and he will do anything for us"isn't this to shoot myself? 19 years of marriage thrown in 5 seconds im? :'( I really feel like...beep....
proudToBee1/15/2008 1:40:45 PM
wow i feel sad to say that, that is not surprising or something new to hear being a "military brat" so my husband calls me,my dad was in the marines and i was very skeptical about my husband especially marrying him but i have faith that he isnt like most military men or women....im not trying to offend andyone thats y i say most...and u cant live ur life always worrying what might happen just do it and if it dosent turn out how it was supposed too its ok its all for a reason thats what i say
anangelsmom3/26/2008 1:50:22 PM
I save not spend money due to he always had this fear that the wife he married would just spend like crazy and he wouldnt have no money when he came home from a deployment. With all the guys in his ears about women spending all that extra money they get when deployed he was very scaried, but now he knows im not one of those women. We have more money now then when we were dating.. So my advice to all you spenders shopping my easy that lonelinees you feel but know that money you spend on new shoes or clothing can be used on a nice get away vacation for just you and hubby after that long deployment?? For us we have been to FL on vacation and we have been to Cali and also been to Yellowstone Park.. We are now planning our next trip to spain for next yr after this deployment.. so it pays to save ladies.. I rather have that trip then a new pair of shoes.. plus he knows when he gets back and we go on our trips I need new clothing and shoes to go anywhere and he is more open to it and we shop together. cant wait to see what Ill buy for this trip to Spain..Oo and to let some of you know who reads this he is an E-6 and it can be done on an enlist pay... here are some ways to save on your next trip go to your local ITR and they will help you plan your next trip and they will make sure everything you get has a military discount..
anangelsmom3/26/2008 1:58:30 PM
jocotito, OMG Im so sorry to hear this For one he would have left no where if it was his r and r there is nothing he had to do.. that was his r and r ... i woul have told him off right then and there and I would have told him if he left now dont come back and told him we would be gone before he came home for good.. put this other woman above his kids is just wrong in my book and I hope this women gets a teaste of her own meds.. Hate to say it hope she gets her boobs shot off... I am so sorry now is the time to start planning take everything.. the house the cars the furn the bank accounts and savings before he puts a stop to it.. then tell his chain of command that he has cheated on you and he will get into trouble big time.. now as for the courts they are on your side and he will lose it all.. Hope its worth it him.. I feel for the kids for they wanted to see him too and he took off like that.. no right at all.. he is no father in my eyes..
USMCLindsey3/27/2008 11:55:16 PM
I am only two weeks into an 8 month deployment, and while it is not as long as some of the 18 month deployments, it still is too long! After reading all of this it brought tears and a smile to my heart. As much as I love the clean house, eating healthier and sleeping in past 6 am, My teddy bear is just not equal to my husband or the way he smells or sitting next to him. Here's to sticking with it!

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