Infiltrating the wives’ club

Guys should join the club too. Here’s why.

by Thomas Litchford


You walk into a room, and you’re surrounded by beaming women with j3rktail glasses. There are no other men in sight. The volume of the conversation stutters. Maybe one of the women, the hostess probably, thrilled and nervous, welcomes you and makes small talk before turning to the other guests. There is a table with food on it – chips, vegetables, cheeses. You make a plate and get a drink so your hands have something to do while you sit by yourself on a sofa. There may be some polite chit-chat. You wonder what you’re doing here.

THE TOKEN MALE
Too often, this is the scene we run into over and over. We’re serial first-timers, many of us, who PCS to a new command, go to one spouses’ or FRG event, only to leave – still feeling like we don’t belong – never to return.

We have good reasons for not coming back. One of the recent spouse club events I went to was a “dessert social.” At one point during the evening, an enthusiastic woman asked me flat out, “Are you our token male?” We’re fish out of water when we go to these events, but that doesn’t mean we want everyone pointing at us while we flop around on the table next to the fishbowl. We just want to be welcomed, like anyone else.

But men, take note: I’m not giving you an excuse to avoid support groups. You need to be involved. You may feel uncomfortable, you may feel like you don’t belong, but trust me, you need this. But it’s going to take a little effort on your part.

THE CLUB
Those support networks are out there, and it’s up to us to make them work better. Like any organization, spouse clubs and FRGs are only worth what you put into them. If you attend more than one event, you’ll discover that these women are going through the same basic emotions you’re going through. More importantly, you might start running into other men, men who are going through exactly what you’re going through.

Even if you think you’re experienced enough to handle a deployment on your own, there’s another guy out there walking into a room full of women for the first time, and freaking out. Wouldn’t it be nice if he looked over by the shrimp platter and saw you standing there with a beer in your hand?