How to Nurture Your Marriage
Don't neglect the most important relationship in the family
by Burt Segal
Life today is full of deadlines, commitments, and stress. Responsibilities from a military career, family and other obligations create pressure that is destructive to a marriage. Couples who do not actively deal with these problems often end up divorced. A proactive approach is necessary to combat these negative forces and to nurture the marital relationship.
The first step is to acknowledge that a strong marriage requires hard work. It takes a commitment by both husband and wife to build the marital bond. Remember that investing in your marriage is an investment not only for you but also for your children.
Once you have made this commitment, the next step is to examine your obligations and responsibilities in order to establish your priorities.
Committing to work on your marriage and limiting your outside obligations are necessary but not sufficient to achieve an improved relationship. Below are some other ways to nurture your marriage and to be happier in the future.
Spouses sometimes feel taken for granted by one another. Telling your spouse the things you appreciate about them is an effective way to deal with the problem of resentment. These may be qualities (“you’re so thoughtful”) or behaviors (“I like the way you give me a hug when you come home”). You may point out specific incidents over the past week or general trends over months. Be as specific and descriptive as possible. Do this spontaneously three or more times per day. It is also a good idea to think of what you can do that would make your spouse happy and then do those things.
Another way to nurture your marriage is to “live in the present.” One way to do this is to plan a “date” with your spouse, just the two of you. Do not talk about the past or the future, simply focus on the present and immerse yourselves in the moment. Take in the sights, sounds and aromas that surround you so that you are able to slow down, relax and enjoy the company of the one you love.
Creating memories for the future is also a good way to insure a vibrant marriage. Ten or twenty years from now, what do you want to remember about your marriage? As we get older time seems to pass by more quickly. One way to “slow down the clock” is to do the things you enjoy with the one you love. What are the activities you enjoy most at your current duty station? By doing the things you enjoy together you will begin to make today one of the “good old days” you will remember in future years.
Do you remember when you first began dating your spouse-to-be? It was a magical time. Those moments you experienced when you first met may never return, but if you make the effort to nurture your marriage you can have a wonderful and lasting relationship despite today’s challenges.