Help Around the House During Deployment

Splurging a little can save a lot.

by Marna Krajeski

While my husband Paul was deployed to Afghanistan last year, I hired Sara to clean once a week.  (“‘Cleaning lady’ is such an old term,” I said. “I’ll call you my ‘domestic technician,’” we laughed.)  She came for three hours every Thursday and did the basics: bathrooms, kitchen, floors, vacuuming, and dusting.  Admittedly, these were tasks my children and I could have done; plenty of people do them without help.  The notion of a paid housekeeper even offended my midwestern thriftiness, especially when I mentally multiplied her weekly fee by 4 or sometimes 52 to see it add up.  Ouch.

But then I reconsidered.  The weeks before Sara started were disasters.  My days were spent ricocheting from untidy pile to disheveled stack.  I couldn’t cross the threshold in my own home without feeling overwhelmed.  Everywhere I looked there were things that demanded my attention.  Between doing double parent duties, I felt I couldn’t accomplished anything, let alone have a clean house top-to-bottom.  Disorder engulfed me.

So I ignored my inner do-it-yourselfer and arranged for help, financed with Paul’s combat pay.  It seemed an appropriate use for the extra income and turned out to be money well spent.  Sure, we could have stashed the equivalent amount of cash in an IRA or vacation fund, but with my shot nerves and exhaustion, would I even last 12 months to enjoy it?

Besides, a gentler inner voice clamored for attention: “Be good to yourself.  You can’t do everything.  Ask for help.” 

Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t give up housework entirely, grab my nail file and bon-bons and watch soap operas all day.  A mountain of other responsibilities faced me.  While Sara busied herself mopping the kitchen floor and emptying trash, I tended to the tasks only I, the household manager, could do.  I balanced the checkbook, paid bills, planned meals, commissary shopped, dropped off recycling, washed and folded laundry, mended clothes, and made minor home repairs.  Between our concentrated efforts each “organization day,” the household hummed merrily along.

On days I wasn’t there, Sara let herself in with a spare key.  Then later when I opened my front door, what a delightful, gorgeous, peaceful aaahhhh moment floated over me.  Polished surfaces gleamed, citrus smells wafted through the hallways, the rooms radiated neatness.  I felt like Mary Poppins setting the nursery right with a snap of her fingers

– it was magical.

I can’t underestimate the positive change in my attitude once I finally gained a measure of control.  It was such a difference from when I’d arrive home, catch a glimpse of the mess, and immediately descend into a dark, prickly mood.

In return for the extra expense of Sara, I was a happier, more patient, more engaged mother and wife.  For our family, her fee was worth it, but the principle could easily be applied to any extra cost during deployment, whether it’s regular babysitting, yard work help, mothers’ morning out, or a manicure.  What are the benefits and do they justify the additional spending?  You might have to override a conflicted inner voice as I did, but it’s best to let self-care inform some budget decisions.  Think of it as your contribution to the defense effort.  As Secretary of the Army Pete Geren commented after signing the new Army Family Covenant in December, “The readiness of our all-volunteer force depends on the health of our families.”