Good Sportsmanship
Lessons to learn

By Jacey Eckhart

They aren’t the worst team ever.
      Losing seasons can happen to anybody. In 1980, the New Orleans Saints were so bad, fans wore bags over their heads. But they still came to see the games.

Sports can be random.
     If their team loses, a kid might assume he is a bad athlete. Explain that players can be assigned to teams by random factors. The sixth grade at a small school might have only one kid who can actually score a basket and end up playing against a team of ten mini-Shaqs.

Focusing on “not losing” takes the joy out of the game.
     “ ‘Better not lose’ means athletes don’t play well. They get into “survival mode,’ ” sports psychologist H.A. Dorfman said in his most recent book, Coaching the Mental Game. “The focus should be on competing aggressively and effectively.”

Stem the guilt.
     A losing season can make kids feel guilty for wasting your time. Assure them that they don’t have to win in order to be interesting players. Love works that way.
 
The middle of the season is the hardest part.
     At the beginning of the season, kids still think they’ll win. By the end, they start judging their performance by other factors. The middle is when kids criticize each other and want to quit. Fans groan. Coaches pull their hair out. Teach your kid that a losing season is stressful for everyone, not just them.

Handle losses privately.
     After a loss, most kids want to leave the arena quickly. Be ready to go. Also, have a family rule not to discuss the game until you get into the car. You never know who may overhear your conversation.

Keep a tally of the good things.
     Winning or losing isn’t the only way to keep track of a game. Keep a written list of all the good things your kid did. Sometimes the tangible list of what she is doing right keeps a player centered.

Alternate with the other parent.
     Most parents are not detached from the outcome of the game. Alternating which parent goes to the game can help. It also gives the player a little one-on-one time with a parent.

Cultivate hope.
     It could happen. Few teams go a whole year without a win. Store up sports stories about how your college team beat Notre Dame or how a wild-card team can win the Superbowl. The key is to keep your kid looking forward to the next event.

How do you know your kid is OK?
     My daughter’s basketball team suffered a long, long season.  But near the end she would get into the car feeling pretty happy.  “We were really, really tough,” she said after a real heartbreaker. I listened to her go on and on about new things they were trying. Maybe there really is some value to a losing season.