Getting Settled Military-Style

Secrets to quickly finding the services you need.

by Sarah Smiley


Frequent moves require obvious changes such as your address and your children's school. They also require other changes that you don't realize until you're getting settled into your new home – changes like a new dentist, hairdresser and gym. As military families who move often, we learn shortcuts and strategies for dealing with these transitions. Below are some of my favorites.

Don't ask for referrals. Watch for them.
Everyone thinks their dentist or hairdresser is the best. If you ask people to share with you information about the "best hairdresser in town," you are likely to receive many different answers. The only way to get objective advice is to scope out people's hair and teeth. When you find a look you like, ask them where they go.
 
But be careful because this can be tricky. If you've just met a group of new mothers standing on the sidelines at soccer practice and you only like the hairstyle on one of them, you can't ask them where they get their haircut while they are still near everyone else. You'll have to ask the whole group together. If you single out one person, the others might say, "Do you want to know where I get my haircut?" and it will be rude to say, "Actually, no."
 
Also, I advise against staring too long at people's hair and teeth. This isn't a good way to make friends.

The new gym is your new school.
Your kids will have new teachers and classmates. You will probably have a new gym. For an adult, going to the gym is like going to school. There are instructors, classes, new friends and a whole new schedule to get used to. What's worse, you will get used to all of the above while wearing clothes that feel so tight, exposing and not particularly flattering, you probably wouldn't wear them outside to mow the lawn.  Always stay on the back treadmill or in the back corner of an aerobics class before you learn the way of the land. And while you're back there, check out everyone's hair and see if you like anything. Just remember to watch your step. Falling off the treadmill is one way to meet to new people, but then you'll be looking for referrals for a doctor, too.

People don't like to share their babysitters.
People typically don't like to share this treasured babysitter information. Once you find a babysitter with all the good qualities parents expect (reasonable rates, kids like them, doesn't tell the children that your dryer is the best hiding spot in the whole house), you're unlikely to share him or her. The flip side of this, of course, is that when you move to a new area, all the good sitters are probably already spoken for. Ask a group of new friends for names of babysitters and you will get a group of new friends playing dumb, like they don't already have dibs on the best, most trusted babysitter in a 15-mile radius.

So how do you ever find someone to watch your kids? Pay close attention to emerging sitters, those who are just starting their business. Like a talent scout, you have to find the "next big thing" and lay your claim instead of trying to steal away someone else's great find. You can also reject all invitations to dinner and other outings by saying, "I'd love to come, especially to bring you this wonderful hostess gift – a bottle of wine my husband brought home from Italy – but, gosh, we haven't found a babysitter yet." Eventually, someone will give in and dish out some names.