The Friendship Dating Game
Going on blind dates for new BFFs
by Meg Tyson
A cross-country move often feels like a new round of courtship for spouses. Sure you’ll meet new people at squadron parties or at a friend’s house, but some of those first meet-ups feel like, well, blind dates. Will this person like me? Was I talking too much? Am I too loud?
Making new friends, much less recruiting a mentor, can bring on the first date jitters. Here’s what we’ve learned over the years:
Realization #1: My husband isn’t always going to be a huge help in recruiting potential pals.
We all have a story about a close friend we met through the grapevine, only to find out later that our husbands were in the same platoon during the Basic School. Wouldn’t it be nice if they thought to introduce us a year earlier while we were only living a couple miles apart?
Realization #2: I’m not going to make friends hanging out at my house.
No one is going to knock on our door, unless they’re selling cookies or wrapping paper. We’ve got to get out there to meet people. “There” could be a dog playgroup, kayaking class, lunch with squadron spouses or even a Zumba class. Just like dating, you have to mix it up a little, right?
Realization #3: I can only be myself and hope for the best.
Not everyone is going to have a love-at-first sight situation with new friends, but that’s why you keep trying. Drinks, lunch, whatever it may be. Friendships take time and getting to know someone – just like any relationship – requires an investment. Over time those shared experiences develop a bond.
Realization #4: Facebook is my friend.
Online networking sites and forums provide instant feedback and community. Without hesitation, we can send an e-mail or Facebook message to a milspouse we’ve never met. What’s there to lose? We can vent about our frustrations and insecurities and all things military – and they just understand. Heads up: These innocuous-seeming email blasts may lead to lifelong Christmas card exchanges!
Realization #5: Old flames die hard.
Our friends keep us grounded. When we completely lose it and say goodbye before a deployment, we know who will answer our call. Although our homes keep changing, our friends keep us grounded. Whether they’re the ones we grew up with or the ones we’ve gained as milspouses, their support is an incredible gift.