Fashion Philosophy for Male Spouses

8 things to do to avoid the Neanderthal mentality.

by Tom Litchford 

Jeans are like a uniform item for me, along with t-shirts, button-downs, and sensible shoes.  If there’s anything I’m even remotely self-conscious about, it’s my beard.  I have one fashion tip for you military husbands out there: grow a beard.  The next time one of your wife’s coworkers (or anyone else, for that matter) asks you if you are also in the military, just tug your whiskers and smile.

My friend, John, has been a Navy husband for about a year longer than me, so, in my mind, he’s like a guru of all things male spouse related.  Recently, we got together for coffee and chatted about everything from fatherhood and marriage to cooking and beer.  I asked him about his male fashion advice …

“Flannel pants should never be worn any farther than the curb,” said John, jokingly.  Also, “Baseball caps were invented for the guy who hasn’t showered for the past three-to-four days and finally has to leave the house.”

On a more serious note, he recommended, “If you're going to be a long-term military spouse, drop some coin on a tuxedo.  When the black tie events come along, you're going to feel a lot more confident around all those guys in choker whites or mess dress….”

For me, if I have a fashion philosophy, it is this: I want to stand out as an individual without looking like a schlub next to all the guys in uniform.  What makes this philosophy so challenging, is I find myself less and less motivated to take a shower any time before noon since the birth of my son.

Fashion savvy becomes an area of continuous struggle for male spouses during deployments.  This is especially true for stay-at-home-dads and telecommuters.  Without our wives around to keep us civilized, men tend to devolve to a sort of caveman existence.  We attend to basic needs like eating and sleeping, but we grow neck beards and forego the barbershop.  Occasionally, we shower.  Maybe.

So how do we avoid falling into the Neanderthal mentality and stay on a healthy track? 

• Get proactive about taking care of yourself.
• Develop a routine and stick to it.  If you allow yourself to wallow in the vast expanse of unstructured time, that’s all you’ll do: wallow.
• Wake up at the same time every day.
• Eat breakfast.
• If you have kids, get them ready for the day, whether that means just hanging out with Dad or going to school.
• Use the rest of the morning to exercise or get the household stuff done.
• After you eat lunch, by yourself or with the kids, use the afternoon to get some work done.
• Invite friends over for dinner once in a while.  They’ll return the favor, and you’ll be eating a good meal without the work.  As a bonus, you’ll get to socialize with other adults.
• Start a project, or focus on a goal.