Facebook Frenemies
Old rules don’t apply on social networking sites where connecting with a ‘friend’ could be a faux pas.
by Julie Steed
Status updates and wall posts on social networking sites instantly connect us to our friends. But what happens when a friend request is NOT from a friend?
In the new media environment there is ample opportunity for misunderstandings, hurt feelings and breach of trust. Where do you to draw the line between private life and the rest of the world? Milspouses and professionals chime in on the pros and cons of “friending” certain people in our lives.
Family Members
Got a nosy Nelly in your family tree? One spouse has successfully hidden a smoking addiction for years, but she told us that it is tricky to keep her secret on Facebook. A forwarded questionnaire almost gave her away, and she had to erase it right away because she was afraid her sister-in-law would tell her mother-in-law. On the other hand, social networking keeps many of us close to our families who live far away. Cousins, parents and even in-laws can receive instant and effortless updates about your life.
Commander’s Spouse
If the commander’s spouse is on Facebook, don’t expect extra perks if you choose to extend or accept an online friend request. Nikki Demearath, FRG Coordinator at Fort Campbell, suggests viewing social networking sites as an extension of our real friends and acquaintances. “The same rules and codes apply,” Demearath said. “Being online friends with the commander’s spouse does NOT entitle [you] to special treatment. Conversely, just because you are in the commander’s spouse’s unit does not make it mandatory for the commander’s spouse to add you as a friend.”
Boss, Co-Workers and Clients
Choosing to “friend” those involved in your professional world could expose them to more information they need (think pictures from a friend’s bachelorette party). Though some do choose to maintain the balance between their professional and personal lives, one spouse told us about her solution. Maintaining two separate Facebook pages keeps her social life completely separate from her work as a minister. She has a “church” page and a “rest of my life” page so that she doesn’t have to worry about questionable content!
Exes
A sticky situation at best, consider your relationship with your spouse before choosing to “friend” an ex. Kathryn Rheem, a therapist who works with military couples in Bethesda, Md., recommends protecting and nurturing each other first. “Connecting with an ex can feel so threatening during such emotionally raw times of war and combat and deployment stress,” Rheem said. If you do have online contact with an ex, do not keep it a secret and consider asking your spouse to help you decide if “friending” the ex will work for your relationship.