Post-Deployment Reunion
Experiencing the long-awaited reunion
by Karen Pavlicin
Give it Time
Many adjustments redeployed service members must make stem from the survival skills they’ve honed during deployment, says Dr. Michelle D. Sherman, director of the Family Mental Health Program at the Oklahoma City Veterans Affairs Medical Center. Family members shouldn’t confuse this with a lack of desire for intimacy and regular family life. Service members often bring home battlefield baggage–emotional numbness, mission focus, hyper-vigilance and distrust, she says. “These work in war, but not at home. But you can’t just turn them off over night. You need to give it time.”
How much time? Many chaplains suggest one day of reintegration for each day of deployment.
Expect to Grieve
Considering the many changes you’ve experienced, you may experience grief during your reintegration. You may grieve lost time with each other, missing out on what the other experienced, the loss of your former life together or the death of a friend or comrade. “One of the most challenging situations when Steve returned from Iraq was that he felt guilty for coming home alive and in one piece when others did not,” Trish says. “He needed to know that what he did was good enough. It took time for him to realize that he can only go forward from here.”
Get support for the tough challenges
Sherman notes that while most adjustments are typical and gradual, there are some red flags, including:
• A high level of substance abuse that inhibits daily life
• Thoughts of suicide or homicide
• Reckless behavior
• Spousal or child abuse
• Severe or prolonged changes in sleep and appetite
Service members and their families have several options to address serious issues in a positive, healthy manner. You can talk confidentially with a chaplain or a therapist at a local VA clinic, or call MilitaryOneSource for a referral to a private specialist in your community. If you think someone in your family needs help, don’t hesitate. “This is a huge transition,” Sherman says. “Many people seek support.”
Remember What’s Important
“One of the greatest needs for families is to make meaning out of this experience,” Sherman says. “If the service member can share something positive about the mission it helps everyone in the family to feel like the experience was worthwhile.”
Be proud of all you have been through together. Take what you’ve learned and use it to build your future together. Communication is key to maintaining intimacy, just as it was before and during deployment. Trish and Steve have regular date nights. “Enjoy your time together,” Sherman says. “War or not, we don’t know when our time will come.”
“Life is precious,” Trish says. “I’m grateful for having Steve in my life and I tell him that often–not just when he returns from a deployment in a war zone.”