Email Creates Opportunities for Disappointment

Keep expectations realistic.

by Sarah Smiley

 
This month, I've been discussing instant communication while your spouse is deployed. It can be both negative and positive. On the one hand, we are closer to our spouses because of email and video teleconferences, but on the other hand, perhaps we are driven to believe that we are closer (as in proximity) than we truly are.

The biggest drawback to email, however, is that it has created more opportunities for disappointment. While Dustin was deployed, I checked my email constantly. And each time I checked, I sincerely hoped I would have a message from him. Dustin usually only sent one message a day. That meant that the other 520 times I checked my Inbox, I walked away feeling disappointed.In the old days, when communication with your spouse was only through traditional mail, military families only had one time in the day -- the time when the mailman passed by -- to be disappointed. Eventually, after enough days with no letters, they began to expect nothing and then were completely thrilled and excited when a letter did arrive.

Email during a deployment is like a slot machine. You keep checking because sometimes, randomly, you win. There is no rhyme or reason to it. So why not check every single moment that you possibly can? When a message from your spouse does show up, you are only gratified and justified into checking even more frequently.

Sometimes, I thought I'd go crazy waiting for an email from Dustin. If I only had the mailman to rely on, I wonder if I would have just given up and moved on with my life.