Deployment - Combat Stress - Military Spouse

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Combat Stress

One wife shares her concerns with Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband has been home from Iraq for 18 months. He does not eat, sleep, socialize or anything. He refuses to be around family or friends. Ms. Vicki, it’s like I’ve lost my husband. He does not hold me in his arms anymore, and we haven’t made love in many, many months. He has lost 25 pounds. He is not a big man either, so he looks sick. All the while he continues to go to work and is preparing for another deployment. I’ve tried to tell his commanders that something is wrong with him. They try to say we are trying to get out of the upcoming deployment.

Now my husband just got an Article 15 and they took pay from him and gave him extra duty. Ms. Vicki, this is not fair, I’m trying to tell them something is wrong and they are punishing him. Ms. Vicki, who can I turn to for help, because I need someone to listen. Please Help.

Signed,

Wife Gone Crazy

Dear Wife,

Thanks for writing and for sharing your story. Your letter echoes the sentiments of many spouses who are concerned for their service member. Sounds like your husband is definitely experiencing some combat stress reactions that are causing great concern. He really needs to see a physician for a mental health evaluation and for a physical. He can share his symptoms with both a psychiatrist and his primary care physician. I think this is key. You are not alone, and your husband’s symptoms are experienced by many. He really needs to get some help immediately.

- Ms. Vicki

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User comments:

Chelle	4/9/2008 8:25:52 AM
I think Ms. Vicki's comment is general and doesn't give enough helpful information. Obviously, he needs to see a mental health professional, but there is a huge stigma of combat stress in this military. (Please see the forum section if you don't believe me...) These guys think going to see the doctor will ruin their careers. They think it will affect their friendships and they think it will make them 'less of men'. My advice is that he go and talk to his Chaplain first. These Soldiers have been trained to deal with these situations and can give him the confidence that he is taking the right steps in getting the help that he needs. Once he feels comfortable with the situation, he should see his PCM (Primary Care Manager) and explain his situation. He doesn't need to be incredibly descriptive, he just needs to convey that he needs to see a mental health professional. It is very important to note that PCM are NOT trained to deal with, diagnose, or treat mental health issues. The only reason he needs to see that PCM is to get a referral to see a mental health professional. In his case, I would recommend a psychiatrist because there may be some chemical imbalances in the brain that they are specialized to deal with. This DOES NOT mean he is insane or incapable of doing his job. It simply means that there may be a chemical imbalance resulting from TBI (traumatic brain injury) or PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Only a trained mental health professional will be able to determine his needs and treatment. As for the Article 15, unless he's taken strides to get treatment and has a profile that lists his condition, there's really nothing you can do. It is ultimately his responsibility to get treatment and he needs to act promptly to prevent further issues. If you need further help, please let me know by getting in touch with the magazine and asking for Chelle.
Ginger	4/9/2008 9:27:29 AM
You're right about one thing...the soldiers do need help, but what I've found in my situation is that they're not willing to get the help they need. Most soldiers don't want to even acknowledge they have a problem and so it's left up to the wife to try to navigate the waters. My husband has been home for 6 months and what I see is that we're getting further apart instead of closer and that I notice more and more combat-related issues. I think the key is better training for the spouses. We're the ones living with it and most likely the only ones that really see the whole picture.
GI Jenny	4/14/2008 4:36:25 PM
OMG!! After reading this, I am so worried for my hb. Chelle, your comment was very helpfull and showed great concern for both parties. I agree with everything you are saying. My hb and I already have a rocky marriage and have for 4 years, since the month after we were married. We didn't know each other. I got pregnant.....We have both hurt each other, made mistakes, and tried to connect, but it is not happening and especially now that he is active duty Army scheduled to go to Iraq in a couple months, I feel more estranged from him. I do understnad why our military men, or men in general, don't want to seek professional help. In the military you are taught to be tough and strong, right? Army Strong, but deep down men are still human fighting an outraegous war that we can't even fathom happens there and although some are ok when they return there are a majority that aren't and are doing little about it because of fear and judgement, so the problem really doesn't lie with them. It could possibly be the military higher ups that make decisions based on their mental state after returning from Iraq, which is pathetic. Again, I am assuming the worst because my hb has some anger issues he never dealt with from his past and problems in our marriage and I am afraid things will be worse not better when he comes back home. The only thing I can do is pray for protection over him and that he finds his peace with the Lord before he goes or while he is there because truly, that is the only way any of them will come out ok in the end.

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