What is a Workplace Bully?
by Mindy Pelton
The hospital cafeteria line moved steadily until the macaroni and cheese tray needed refilling.
“Geez! Could you hurry up? Some of us have work to do!” barked an x-ray technician at a young male food server.
“Everyone heard it, but no one said anything,” recalled former emergency room clerk Laura Murphy, a Navy wife from Cordova, Tenn. “In her self-righteousness, the woman failed to see he also had a job to do,” Murphy said.
“Bullying has reached epidemic proportions in the American workplace directly affecting one in six employees,” said Gary Namie, director of The Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute and co-author of The Bully at Work.
The impact on victims is enormous, threatening mental and physical health and employment stability.
“Silence and shame ensure bullying will never stop,” Namie said.
Bullies are also at work in roles affecting our private lives. They are leaders of associations and organizations, providers of care, neighbors, fellow parents, spouses and significant others.
“Some neighbors have blatant disrespect for others; I consider them bullies.” said Suzanne Zollar, an Air Force wife in Papillion, Neb. “They’re oblivious to the fact they’re even offending anyone. Some people leave garbage out or have toys piled up in their yard. In their complete arrogance, some neighbors don’t respect quiet hours, like the neighbor who revs his Harley at 11:15 p.m. when we have kids sleeping. It’s ridiculous!”
What is bullying behavior?
There is no standard definition of bulling behavior, because despite failed efforts to pass legislation, there are currently no laws protecting victims against it, Namie said.
He defines workplace bullying as “repeated health-impairing mistreatment driven by people who need to control other people, which prevents work from getting done.”
“The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is against all employee protections” because of the potential cost to employers,” he said. “Respect doesn’t cost money.”
Dr. Kenneth Lloyd, psychologist and author of Jerks at Work: How to Deal with People Problems and Problem People said, “Bullies treat others in an abusive, degrading and domineering way focusing on targets they think are easy to victimize.” They are driven by an unmet need for power and control and are reinforced by their ability to motivate others.
Dr. Kathleen V. Shea, psychologist and author of ABC Abusive Behavior Checklist, characterizes bullying behavior as abuse.
“It takes righteousness, no remorse, no feelings, me-first narcissism and feeling like ‘wood’ inside to be a bully,” Shea said. In a bully’s mind, “they’re right, and other’s feelings don’t count. They truly don’t see the impact they have on others.”
Shea identifies two kinds of bullies: “visible” and ‘invisible.” The visible bully is outwardly hostile, while the passive-aggressive, invisible bully causes distress without confrontation. The latter wants to be “admired.” Shea recommends confronting them only in the presence of others: the more the better. Exposing them will cause them to lose their imagined position of admiration.
Shea points out that our society is extremely interested in understanding a bully’s motivation, but what really matters is the “impact” bullying has.
“Real progress is made when we study the victim more than the bully,” she said.