It’s often said that the hardest job in the military is the one you do every day—being a military spouse. Loving a soldier and being part of this big beautiful family we call the military is the adventure of a lifetime, but we all know it brings challenges: it can be frustrating, lonely and downright infuriating having Uncle Sam as the third person in your marriage!

But military spouses handle the challenges of this life with equal parts grit and grace. In seeking nominations for the 2010 Military Spouse of the Year, we saw hundreds of examples of exemplary women—and a few men—who live this life and love it. Narrowing the field to our finalists and ultimately to the winner was no easy job.

We got to know spouses who made the ultimate sacrifice, losing their husbands to war. We virtually met a soldier’s husband who teaches dance. You nominated mothers and child-free spouses, officer’s wives and enlisted soldiers’ spouses. Some families were dually active. Every nominee shared a commitment to patriotism and family life.

Hundreds of nominees poured in online at first. We narrowed them to five finalists per branch. Your online votes helped us choose five branch winners, and our selection committee and your votes brought you the winner. The MSOY is the only award of its kind, recognizing the challenges and joys that are unique to being married to the military. We’re thrilled to introduce you to our third annual Military Spouse of the Year.

The 2010 Military Spouse of the Year

The winner of the 2010 Military Spouse of the Year is Lori Bell. Lori, 34, was nominated by her husband, Lt. Colonel Kenyon Bell of the Air Force. The pair make their home at Elmendorf Air Force Base in Alaska with their two young children.

Lori herself served in the Air Force for ten years, in logistics. She deployed twice and met her husband Kenyon at Andrews Air Force Base in Washington, D.C. In her current role as stay-at-home mother and spouse of a soldier, she’s developed a network of online resources for spouses to connect and share information, the National Association of Military Moms and Spouses, www.nammas.org. The site lets spouses connect and build relationships and support each other. A lifelong singer, Lori loves to sing in church.

“What can we carry to another spouse to help her?” Lori asks. “Look what we’ve gone through—how can we help each other? I would love to encourage spouses to connect more, relate more, share more and don’t be so afraid of repercussions for sharing.”

Lori herself has handled hard times with aplomb: she recently lost her father to cancer. She returned to her home in South Carolina to be with her family, and worked hard to nurture her long-distance relationship with Kenyon—while pregnant with their child. She stayed positive, says Kenyon.

“It’s like a unique club we get to belong to,” she says of being a military spouse. “Have fun, look forward to every challenge. We live a blessed life. It’s a blessing to be able to serve our country. Appreciate everything.”

As the 2010 MSOY, Lori will be writing a monthly column in the pages of Military Spouse magazine, where you can follow along with her family’s adventure and interact with her directly. We think she’s a sterling example of the traits we all share as military spouses. We’re honored to have her as the 2010 Military Spouse of the Year.

The Inside Scoop on Lori

Who better to give us the scoop on our 2010 Military Spouse of the Year but her husband, the charming and debonair Kenyon? We caught up with him in the midst of a TDY to get the goods on Lori. (He tried to think of an embarrassing story, but couldn’t. Don’t say we didn’t try.)

“I nominated Lori because of her servant’s heart. She’s a hard worker, at everything she does,” he tells us. “We’ll sit down and do calendar reviews and I’ll look at her like…okay, you’re really thinking about doing all this?” And she does. “It makes me a better person in being around her and seeing her do what she considers to be the right thing,” he says.

The transition from active duty soldier to spouse and stay-at-home mom was challenging for Lori, Kenyon says. “When you PCS into a job, you’re thrust into a support system,” he says. She had to learn to discover that support system for the new job of spouse and parent.
And that’s how NAMMAS came to be. “She figured if she’s dealing with these issues, others probably are too.”

Thinks that make you say “AWW!”

As it turns out, Lori married an old-school romantic.

Kenyon and Lori are both from small towns in South Carolina. They didn’t know each other as kids, but they grew up thirty miles apart. They finally met at Andrews, when Kenyon’s squadron commander told him there was another South Carolinian he ought to meet. They started hanging out with the same friendship circle—and then, more and more, without all the friends around!

Finally, they both got orders to Japan—she to Kadena Air Base on Okinawa, and he to Yokota Air Base. He invited her to Yokota for Thanksgiving with a surprise in mind.

They were at dinner in the home of Kenyon’s friends—no one Lori knew. And he disappeared! As she looked around the room full of strangers wondering where he’d gone, Kenyon was in another room changing into a tuxedo and cueing up Luther Vandross singing “If This World Were Mine.” He presented her with a globe and told her he wanted to give her the world.

He’d already spoken to her father, who’d approved his asking. In fact, they asked Kenyon to videotape the proposal, and they taped congratulations for her to see after he popped the big question.

She said yes. Good call, Lori!

Photo from Steve Barrett 

Did your member of Congress sign this letter  from the Military Family Caucus to Defense Secretary Robert Gates, seeking answers on the MyCAA halt? If so, consider sending a quick thank-you email. If not, it might be worth asking why not.

My Opportunity -- MyCAA –- Becomes My Nightmare

Guest Editorial

By Heidi L. Evans

I’ve felt mad at the military before. Heck, I’ve felt incensed, furious and bent around the axle.

But this time I feel betrayed. Hey Department of Defense, haven’t you heard that saying about a woman scorned? Well, try a woman filled with righteous indignation.

On Feb. 15, the Department of Defense suddenly put a stop to an educational benefits program for military spouses called Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts, or MyCAA. Nearly 100,000 spouses were receiving funds at that time from the program to pay for “portable careers.”

Participants were assured they would receive up to $6,000 to pay for educational programs. With such assurances, thousands of us started educational programs. I am one.

I pursued the program after more than six months of an unsuccessful job search. For me, MyCAA was the answer to a prayer.

I needed was a short-term program that would bring me up to speed with my new love, Web design. When I found MyCAA, it was a dream come true. Propelled by the opportunity to start a program without dragging my family into further weighty debt, I found a perfect one-year program with a local community college.

Like many continuing education programs, the classes last only a few weeks at a time stretched out over a normal semester. One course in particular didn’t start until April. By MyCAA’s own rules, I couldn’t apply to pay for that class until I was within 30 days of starting, or March 1^st. But, I thought, what stronger assurances than the DoD?

As we all know, MyCAA was canceled without notice. I am now on the hook for a $200 class. And I feel lucky. A dear friend of mine is currently enrolled in classes that won’t be paid, to the tune of nearly $3,000. You can’t get loans for classes that are nearly complete.

The MyCAA web site says:

“Effective immediately, the MyCAA program is temporarily halting operations. We are reviewing all procedures, financial assistance documents and the overall program. This pause will not affect approved Financial Assistance documents. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. Please check back for updates.”

“We apologize for any inconvenience?” Smashing the dreams and goals of potential earning of thousands of spouses is a little more than an inconvenience. To say nothing of leaving many of them with what can be crushing debt, the kind of debt that can actually jeopardize the clearances of the active duty spouses.

Following the initial MyCAA statement is a link to other ways to find money for college. Many of these methods take time, time current recipients don’t have for impending classes. And most of those methods are either loans or designed for folks who are low-income. While too many military families fall into that category, a good chunk of MyCAA recipients will not. Others may face complications because they live in one state, yet maintain their residence in another.

I have read extensive personal comments online that this program should never have received funds. That it’s a waste of taxpayer money.  That it’s a boondoggle. These voices might be right. Surely this isn’t a typical DoD expense, at least not like a plane or gun. I won’t debate that MyCAA needs to exist, at least not like the Department of Veteran’s Affairs need s to exist. But it does need to keep its promises.

So what can we do? We have two options. Send e-mails to the federal legislators in the district where you are registered to vote. Share your stories with the press, especially if you are suddenly on the hook for thousands.

Heidi L. Evans is a frequent contributor to Military Spouse Magazine.

The blogosphere is alight with complaint and commentary about the MyCAA halt, but hard answers are proving tough to come by. Plenty of spouses are calling and emailing their legislators hoping to find out how they'll pay for their educations.

In Virginia Beach, Congressman Glenn Nye sent a letter to Defense Secretary Robert Gates after spouses in his district complained about the sudden halt. He's still seeking answers.

DoD issued a statement that said the program grew so fast they had to stop it for a review, but gave no idea when it might be reinstated.

"Part of the issue here is the lack of information," says Clark Pettig, communications director for Nye. "Right now we are in a gathering information phase."

To that end, Nye is hosting a roundtable with area spouses this weekend. He's seeking their stories and their feedback, and will continue seeking answers from the Department of Defense.

Keep checking in with www.milspouse.com for updates, both on what Nye's up to and what other legislators are doing. And if you're doing any activism around it, drop me a line at melissa.meinzer@milspouse.com.

Were you counting on using the Department of Defense's Military Spouse Career Advancement program's up-to-$6,000 credit to continue your education?

Not so fast, says the DoD. Effective yesterday, the program was suspended. DoD is reviewing software applications, financial assistance documents and the program as a whole.

The halt in operations is said to be temporary, but there's no clear date on when it might start up again. If you already had aid approved, you'll still get it. But for now, no new assistance is forthcoming.

“Military spouses represent a significant, young, diverse and motivated component of America’s labor force. We recognize that the military lifestyle calls for portable careers and that military spouses need access to education and training for careers that are portable and high-growth nationally. This short-term break will allow us to better assess the program to ensure we are achieving that goal," says Tommy T. Thomas, Deputy Under Secretary of Defense, Military Community and Family Policy.

Watch this space for updates.

Be counted! It’s time for the US Census once again. Filling out the ten-question sheet helps to determine where Americans live, and how resources get distributed—it lets the government know where to build schools, or how many legislators should be representing a given area.

And for military families, it can get a little puzzling—do you count your deployed service member? Will questionnaires be send to them overseas? What if you are both stateside but not together?

If your soldier is living away from you, either abroad or in the U.S. as of April 1, 2010, don’t count him or her in your household totals. They’ll still be counted—the Census bureau will get the details on deployed soldiers from the Department of Defense, which they’ll use to determine the appropriate number of seats in the House of Representatives.

What about the Military Spouse’s Residency Relief Act? If you’ve made your home state the same as your soldier’s but you’ve PCSd in the meantime, your answer should be where you physically are, not where your taxes and car are registered.

For more information, visit www.2010.census.gov.