Hitting ‘The Wall’

5 ways to move past the point of despair in deployment.

By Sara Horn

If you’ve ever experienced a deployment, you know the ups and downs that come with it. One big challenge is “The Wall.” And I’m not talking about the Pink Floyd kind.

The Wall during my husband’s first deployment came on gradually. At first I struggled to sleep at night, I felt increasing loneliness and longed for my husband to be home. I hate to admit it, but by the middle of the summer, I found myself sitting on the couch with my curtains drawn and my eyes staring blankly at a television screen that wasn’t on. I was mentally and physically exhausted. We were seven months into our first deployment and I had hit The Wall. I was done. I was tired of doing, tired of being and really tired of doing and being by myself.

Of course, feeling done and having the choice to be done are two different things. I had a son to take care of and a husband to be strong for. I wasn’t sure where that strength would come from since I didn’t feel like I had much left to give. It frustrated me that as strong as I had started out with this deployment, seven months into it, I felt weak and worn down.

This is The Wall. It may be more emotional than physical for military spouses.

Here are a few ways to overcome The Wall:

Don’t stop. As much as you may find yourself wanting to give up, don’t. Let go of some of your responsibilities that can be put on hold for a few days. But at least do the minimum. Don’t quit outright. Rest, yes, but don’t quit.

Put away negative thoughts. The more you dwell on what isn’t going right, the less you’ll focus on what is, and soon you’ll find yourself unwilling to do anything. Put those negative thoughts away and focus on what you can change. Concentrate on what is good. Remind yourself of what you have.

Get out of your head. It’s easy to look at all the things that are wrong with deployment and to think about how sad and mentally drained you are. Don’t. Find a good distraction, whether it’s your children (or someone else’s children), picking up a book or calling a friend and making lunch plans.

Try bribing yourself. After all, ice cream can be a spouse’s best friend.

Don’t be afraid of self-negotiation. You can talk yourself into going a little longer. Look at that calendar and reward yourself after making it through another hard week. Give yourself a pep talk and ask yourself to hang in there until the first of the month. And then go a little longer.

Remember, this deployment won’t last forever. The end will soon be in sight.

Sara Horn is a writer and author and the founder of Wives of Faith (www.wivesoffaith.org).