Stay at Home Dad

One man, a baby and a wife at war.

by Thomas Litchford

We have a brand new little human in the house.  Quiet and sleep are a rarity.

So why, the other night, did I feel guilty calling the police on my noisy college student neighbors at 3 a.m.?  After all, we'd been listening to them since 11 p.m., and I'd already been over there once to ask them to be quiet.  Why did I speak so softly into the receiver, as if I was worried the kids next door would hear me ratting them out?

I think what I was really worried about was that somewhere between the ages of twenty-two and twenty-nine I had ceased to be "cool." How long would it be before I started yelling at neighborhood kids to get off my lawn?

Men seem to be more self-conscious about this, especially in the age of the super-involved parent.  They still want to be in tune with new music and fashion, even while playing a more active role in their kids' lives, and it's hard to find the balance.

Being a military husband only adds to the complexity.  The idea of having kids introduced some pretty huge questions – questions Danielle and I wrestled with for two years. 

We talked about kids off and on, but it was a moot point while she was on a ship.  Then she started her shore tour.  We felt ready for the lifestyle change, but there were still questions of practicality to address.  I worried that Danielle would want to stay home with the baby, making me the sole breadwinner.  My income at the time was, roughly, a quarter of hers.  Were we prepared to alter our lifestyle that radically while simultaneously absorbing the added financial stress of a new baby?

But then Danielle surprised me: she didn't want to get out of the Navy.  So I said, "What if I stayed home with the baby?"  The solution seemed so obvious once I said it.

From that day on it was settled.  We would take part in the relatively experimental trend of father-as-primary-caregiver, and we would do our best to occasionally explore tourist towns in the winter and hunt for tasty restaurants.  It's just that we'd have a third member in our expedition.

I thought about all this the day after the party and decided it wasn't so bad that my life was changing.  Still, even though I'd accepted the reality of my changed and changing lifestyle, I felt relieved a few days later when my neighbors, not knowing I was the one who'd busted them, told me they had only received a warning.

I was also glad to hear they wouldn't be having any more parties.