Coping with PTSD

It’s a two-way street, wives say

by Heidi Russell Rafferty

BE SENSITIVE

Loud noises, even a ringing phone, bothered Peter Reid, a Navy reservist from Palm Bay, Fla.  After surviving a mortar attack that killed five and injured 34, he was given a 1 percent chance to live.  He survived, though he suffered a brain injury, lost his left eye, was paralyzed on the left side and underwent reconstructive surgery on his right leg, said his wife, Michele.

“Two or three nights a week he has dreams,” she said.  “I have to get up with him and give him anxiety medicine.  Things that never irritated him before drive him crazy now.”  Dunn advises establishing a pattern of such changes, then “gently” approaching the counseling issue.  “Saying, ‘You need help’ is like a slam,” Cynthia says.  “Instead, say, ‘It seems like you’re having a hard time.  Let’s go to the VA and talk to a primary health provider.’”

CAUTION, FRIENDS NECESSARY

Expect resistance when you first discuss counseling, Summer says.  “Push them in the wrong way, and they get macho and won’t budge.  Push them the right way and guide instead.  Show them that there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.  Tell them, ‘It’s affecting our marriage, our children.  Something is happening, and we need to get it resolved.’”

Encourage friendships with other veterans.  Tom and Cynthia note that Vietnam veterans want desperately to help their younger counterparts understand what has happened to them.  You can help facilitate these relationships by encouraging your spouse to join organizations such as the Veterans of Foreign Wars, they say.

Reid Westover suffered burns on 50 percent of his body after being hit by a roadside bomb.  His wife, Pamela, first noticed his PTSD symptoms at a military hospital where he was being treated.  The hospital launched a cannon every day at 5:30 a.m.  It so agitated Robert that Pamela had to wake him at 5:25 a.m. to warn him.

The couple has found healing at events sponsored by The Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes (CSAH), an organization created to help veterans and their families rebuild their lives.  It sponsors many opportunities for veterans to meet and interact.

“Little things … add up throughout a day, and that’s why meeting with other veterans and families is so important,” Pamela said.

Her husband agrees.  “You think to yourself, ‘No one will ever understand as much.  No one will ever know what it’s like to be a burn patient or take a salt water bath.’  It is very important to get folks together so they can see they’re not alone,” Reid says.

If your spouse won’t seek help, find support for your own needs, Pamela says.  “Women should get counseling for themselves to know what to expect.  I have health problems and a slight case of PTSD myself.  I’m surprised at how it has affected me.  My husband took care of everything before.  Our roles have changed, and it’s very difficult.  I don’t like being in charge.”

 “It’s a two-way street,” she says.  “If I don’t know how to fix the problem, I don’t wait for my husband to go to the doctor.  Don’t close the door.  Open it and say, ‘I need some help.’”